I play with the sand under my feet and Joey's green eyes gaze at the sunset.
"When do you plan on getting married, "I ask him messing around with the flower in my hand.
The petals falls beside me as the beautiful plant covers the orange planet.
"I don't know I found someone but I don't know how they feel about but they definitely don't wanna get married." He laughs.
I fiddle with the ring on my left hand looking at the diamonds glow.
My white teeth show as I grin at my wedding ring. I block out Jo as I stare at my ring,only able to hear the ocean.
"But that's how I feel I hope you feel the same way." He says and I turn my head to ask him what he was talking about.
Lips.
I'm taken back as I felt rugged skin against my chin and smooched lips hugging mine.
I gasp pulling my face back and instantly feeling this disgusted run through me.
I couldn't move.
I was too in the moment, I didn't even realize what was going on.
It was like lightning you only get a glimpse of the terrifying storm before it goes away leaving the sky still and quiet.
Then I regained movement jumping to my feet. This sickening feeling is compressed on the bottom of my heart.
That wasn't fair, I couldn't stop it. I can't get a do-over.
I know I couldn't, Well can't fix it but guilt overwhelmed me. I didn't do anything but I feel wrong.
_ _ _
I open the door to my temporary home. Running to my room I pull in the sliver nob to my bathroom.
I look in the mirror and see a reck. My cheeks are flushed red and my eyes are bloodshot from crying.
My hair all over the place from constantly running my hands through it.
I grab the soap biting onto it. Scrubbing and ripping my lips. Salty water flows from my eyes.
I just wanted to rub the sin off my lips. My hand grabs the soap from my mouth throwing it at the mirror.
"Why? Why did you leave me?" I cry falling to the ground.
The door rattles someone behind It wanting to get in.
"Nov what's the matter let me in!" I hear Emma hitting against the door.
"Please come back!" I silently say want it to be the loudest thing I've ever said.
_ _ _
"Grayson's gonna be pissed," Emma says handing me my tea and walking to her side of the couch like a penguin.
She was really pregnant her due date being the day after Christmas. She plops down rubbing her hand over her little angel.
I lay my head down on her stomach.
"Hey, girly it's not your fault you zoned out and didn't know what he was going to do. It's all on him he knew that you didn't want that but he took advantage of you. Don't ever think it's your fault." Emma rubs my head.
As good as that feels all I wanted was my kids and the man that I loved.
Oh, Nova always complains about her kids and her husband.
"Everything is gonna be okay, just have faith."
"I do it's just I miss them," I confess.
"I bet you do and soon you will see them again. This is for everyone's safety and to make sure you still have them." Emma says.
"Yeah, I get it thanks Em," I say.
"Always girly." she laughs.
"Oh oh a kick." Emma moves her hand over her stomach.
"Where, where?" I say exited for my niece.
"Righttttt...here." She says finding the right spot.
I put my hand on her huge round stomach. My heart aches to feel the life inside of her.
"Awe morning precious," I whispered to her stomach.
"Aunty Nova loves you," I say kissing where the kick was placed.
"Nova do you mind having her for me because I'm done being pregnant," Emma says laugh at my affection.
"Sis I'm done having babies my body is worn out," I tell her.
"Okay, I'll remind you of what you said when you finish delivering your seventh kid," Emma says laugh and I give her a glare.
"Okay, I'm not that bad," I say.
"We were only supposed to have one kid well we were gonna have any but surprise, surprise," I confess.
Emma smiles and I sit up so she can move and I can go to bed. "I think it's about time we get to bed so little missy can get some sleep," I say kissing her stomach once more before kissing Emma's cheek and walking to my room.
The moonlight highlights my bed as I walk into the dark room. I crawl under the blankets.
I can't believe this is what Joey had in mind the entire time I was here. How could I be so clueless when he was telling me about the women he desired.
The whole time I sat across from a man who had such sinful thoughts for taken women.
I don't know how I'm doing this alone.
I need encouragement right now and not the liquid kind. I pull out my phone turning down the brightness to adjust with my eyes.
I smile at the photo I had saved as my wallpaper.
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I open my videos swiping until I make it to the one I needed.
Grayson and I laid in bed together just a random night.
He kissed my cheek and I smiled.
The blanket covered our naked bodies.
"Bebe I love you," I whispered to him and laugh as his kisses traveled to my shoulder.
This video showed me in bliss. With him, it's like pure happiness all the time. Well, some of the time. Right now I just need him to hold me like that. I didn't know after that video that feeling would be something I want more than anything.
I was again so clueless.
"I love you, Grayson," I whispered to myself wanting it to be him I was talking to.
