Father? (Frerard)

Seven - letting go

update weekend xD
how are you? ready for winter?

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I woke up the next morning and I felt different. It wasn't bad, it was just different. Usually, the first thing that comes to my mind after I wake up is whether my family is okay, the second thought is breakfast and sometimes I dread work first and then think about family. But that morning I felt free, like I wasn't married, like I didn't have a daughter, like I didn't spend the last twenty years lying to myself.

My first thought that morning was of coffee and a cigarette and I showered on the way to the kitchen. I got out of the shower and I didn't dry all the way like I usually would and didn't get dressed right away like I normally would. I walked proud and half naked through my house feeling more confident than I ever did. I shocked even myself.

And so I walked to the kitchen with just a towel wrapped around my hips. I made myself a cup of the oh so good beverage and when I turned around to find my cigarettes I noticed Gerard in the backyard, sitting in one those damned garden chairs, smoking his usual morning cigarette. I wasn't sure if he was teaching that day but it didn't matter to me in that moment. I was feeling confident and I wanted to be provocative.

I was fully aware that he could turn around any second so I pretended to look for something and purposefully walked in front of the sliding glass door. I felt like an entirely different person and looking back on that day I realize I was only just becoming myself.

He did turn around. I pretended to not have seen him and from the corner of my eye I saw him stop every movement for good half a minute, he just watched me as I stood there exposing my skin to him for the first time. That was the first time he had seen me without a tee and I could just feel his stare on my skin. I've had enough proof that the night before did mean something to him too so I turned around and acted as if I had just noticed him.

His cheeks grew a light shade of pink and I quickly waved and disappeared. I got dressed in the first thing I found in my closet and joined him outside for a smoke. He smiled awkwardly at me, feeling humiliated for being caught staring at me. I tried to hide my smirk and quickly lit my cigarette so my mouth would be occupied enough to not start laughing like an idiot.

"Morning." Gerard mumbled. I said 'hi' and then we were silent until we finished smoking.

"Coffee?" I asked him, wanting to have an opportunity to talk to him. "I just made some so it'll still be hot." I smiled at him innocently and his love for coffee wouldn't allow him to say no.

We went inside and the fact that he was more awkward than usual didn't add normality to this abnormal moment especially with me be being so...different. I fetched two cups from the upper shelf having to stand on my tiptoes to be able to reach and it should have been obvious that he was staring at me but it was just funny when his cheeks were graced with that pinkish color again.

He just stood there and waited for me to hand him his cup and when I did I 'accidentally' brushed my fingers on his hand. He gulped as I turned around to go and maybe sit down, but after he took a sip of his drink he set his cup down and blocking my way he took a deep breath. I wasn't thinking about anything negative that day and it all might have turned out terribly wrong with that attitude.

"Frank," he took a deep breath. It was obvious he wanted to talk about what happened the night before. He was conflicted, I could see, but as I said, I was optimistic that day and nothing could bring me down. "about last night, I..." he stopped mid-sentence to search for words.

I set my cup down and waited for him to continue. He struggled with his own feelings as well, but that one stupid week changed us all and maybe it was me who changed him, but when he looked at me, with the words on his tongue, I wouldn't let him speak up. I acted before I thought about it and before he could say anything my lips were on his. He was shocked, I didn't know what he was about to say and I never found out but it didn't matter. For a split second, I was scared that he was about to tell me that it was a mistake and that he never wanted to kiss me. Yet, he kissed me back twice as hard.

He grabbed my hips and pushed me against the kitchen counter. It was something so new and exciting to me, I have never been the one to be pushed against something. I liked being dominated I came to realize, but with Jamia being the delicate flower she was, being rough or being submissive just didn't work with us. If you searched for a definition of vanilla relationship our names would come up.

As we kissed, he was still holding my hips and my own hands found their way to his neck and hair. He was taller than me and that was a whole another new experience. As much as it might seem impossible, Jamia was actually shorter than me. It may have only been as little as half an inch but she was still shorter than me. I liked it, I liked having to strain my neck to be able to kiss him. He wanted to make it easier for us so our necks wouldn't be in so much pain, so he helped me sit up on the counter for our heads to be on the same level.

He held my waist for a change and my legs were hooked around his hips. I was coming short of breath, it's been a long time since I've kissed someone for that long and my smoking habits didn't really help my lungs' well being, but I didn't want to let go of his lips just yet. I liked how soft they were and how much different they felt to what I was used to. He was shaved but his face was still a little bit rough. I loved it.

Suddenly he moved his hands a little lower. He slid them down over my hips to my thighs which he then rubbed slowly and sensually. It was still morning and I was still very new to all that I was feeling, so it shouldn't have been a surprise to get a little hard, yet I was almost as freaked out as a virgin would be when he palmed me through the fabric of my sweatpants. I moaned in his mouth and threw my head back when he continued in what he was doing.

I couldn't really concentrate on anything else than his touch and the initial shock from the discovery of my morning boner stupefied my brain enough to lose control of my own body. He was in charge and I let him. He kissed my neck softly but firmly at the same time, careful not to leave marks and it took me a second to realize I didn't feel his touch through the fabric anymore. His hand was in my pants and it was his bare hand that I felt and it took me another second to realize I needed to shower again.

I breathed heavily while he kissed my exposed throat softly, nibbling at the skin usually hidden under a shirt, which he pulled lower so he could access more skin. A wave of tiredness washed over me and when I came back from my high I hopped off of the counter. I had to steady myself by grabbing his shoulders because I felt dizzy just from that one orgasm. I didn't care though, I wanted more.

We kissed some more and if I wasn't so tired all over again, I would maybe try and touch him in return. If he didn't pull away and say he needed to leave I would probably finish my coffee and then I would be able to kiss him all day. But when he did leave I just cleaned myself, threw my pants in the laundry and went right back to sleep.

"Frankie, I have to go to work for a few hours, but when I come back, we can talk about all of this okay?" Gerard asked just before he left.

"Yeah." I nodded dreamily, not fully realizing what exactly he meant by 'all of this' but I knew he was right, because what we did, with that one morning session, started something we didn't know how to handle.