Father? (Frerard)

Thirteen - lies

All the what-ifs were swimming through my mind the whole night. I didn't get much sleep really, so I kept returning to the moment I started to realize I might like Gerard. What if I never acted upon my feelings? What if I had stopped talking to him before we got too close? What if Jamia and Toni never left on that stupid vacation? What if we had never kissed?

None of it mattered now. We were too deep and it was either all in or end the game right now. But even though I kept telling myself to end it and leave with what I surely had, deep down I wanted to give all in and see if I walked out of the casino like the champion or like the biggest loser.

When I got up in the morning I found a note under my door. It was from Gerard and it said that he already left for work and that Toni didn't want to hear anything from him. I sighed and went to make myself some coffee. I texted him what I came up with as an excuse and that I hoped Toni would believe me.

Last time I was upstairs was when Toni and Gerard were moving in. They really turned it into a beautiful home and I was impressed with Gerard's art hung on the walls. Toni was expecting me. It was obvious to her that Gerard told me everything and so she let me in sighing. She offered me something to drink.

We sat down in their kitchen and she just stared at me, her eyes red from crying, not asking anything as I expected her to, not saying a word and that had me worried. I took a deep breath about to start talking when she finally spoke up.

"Is he cheating on me?" She asked quickly.

"No. Of course not." I assured her almost believing it myself.

"But then how come there is a bite on his shoulder, daddy?" She wrinkled her forehead about to cry again.

"You don't have to believe me, but it was all just a silly misunderstanding. The truth is, we went fishing to Gerard's cabin just like the weekends before. We were in the kitchen and I was making some sandwiches. Gerard wanted to scare me, so he threw a real bear fur over his head. He didn't know I was holding a knife so when he asked me to turn around he took a step back so I wouldn't cut him, he tripped over that fur and fell on his back. I guessed the bear's teeth must have left that bruise."

She frowned a little bit. Even to me, this excuse seemed far-fetched but we both knew Gerard and that did sound like something he would do. Toni started crying again and shook her head. I didn't know why she was crying. Did she believe me or not?

"I'm so stupid." Toni sobbed. I felt awful because it was me who caused all this. I stood up and went to hug her. "I just, I love him so much and he works a lot and doesn't have much energy nor time to be with me and then during the weekends when he could be with me, he leaves. I just connected it the wrong way because I miss him." She said and I started crying too. 'Do you still wanna give all in, Frank?' I asked myself.

"I'm so sorry, baby." I apologized only she didn't really know what for. "I'll cancel every weekend with him okay? I don't like fishing anyway." I told her and she chuckled and sniffed.

"You don't have to cancel anything. I'm fine, I just feel stupid now."

"I suggest I talk to Gerard, we can go fishing like once a month and you don't have to feel stupid okay?" I proposed and she nodded.

A while after that I excused myself because I had to go to work and she thanked me for helping. I was disgusted with myself, playing a good father on one side and sleeping with my daughter's boyfriend on the other side. I texted Gerard saying I'd pick him up from work so we could talk and he agreed, curious as to what Toni had said.

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"So how'd it go?" Gerard asked once I parked the car. I told him everything Toni told me and I could see how bad he felt too.

We sat there for a few minutes in complete silence, me thinking whether I should tell him what I've been thinking about the whole day and him probably just processing what it all meant and what he wanted to do next.

"Frank, I don't want to end what we have going on." Gerard said and at that moment I decided it was the right time to tell him.

"You should sleep with her."

"I love you."

We both spoke up at the same time and what we had said left both of us speechless. I blinked at him and he frowned, not sure if he heard me correctly.

"What?" Gerard asked me.

"You love me?" I asked him.

Another moment of silence passed before he spoke up again.

"Yeah, I do."

"Oh god, Gerard." I let out a shaky breath. I reached out to kiss him and he dug his fingers into my side as he held me. "I love you too." I whispered and kissed him again. He pulled me even closer and kissed me harder.

"Then why do you want me to sleep with Toni?" Gerard asked when we pulled away momentarily. I just shook my head and went to kiss him again. Oh, how I wanted him, right then and there. But I knew we couldn't. I pulled away involuntarily and played with Gerard's fingers.

"Maybe if you do, she'll feel like things are okay again and she won't be suspicious anymore." I told him.

"I don't want to. I want you, Frank." He said and went right back to kissing me.

"I don't want you to either, but believe me, it's for the better."

"Alright." Gerard after a while of pondering. "I'll do it. If you are okay with that."

"I am." I nodded and we kissed for a few more minutes before we had to return home.

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another shiddy chapter 
hope you still like it tho
sending love

-L