𝐇𝐔𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐑. ( 𝘫𝘰𝘩𝘯𝘯𝘺𝘣𝘰𝘺 )

TWO.

**SUICIDAL COMMENTS. SELF-DEPRECATING COMMENTS**

NOVEMBER 28TH, 2018. (WEDNESDAY)

Johnny slowly makes his way out of the bathroom, a weak smile on his face. His stomach feels much better but the guilt drags him down, making him just want to curl up and sleep.

"Are you okay, Johnny," Ponyboy asks gently, tilting his head slightly. "All I could hear was the faucet... And, you're crying..."

"Yeah, I'm all right," Johnny says weakly. "Water splashed on my face when I was washing my hands. I got syrup on them and it was really sticky. I don't mean to worry you any. I'm sorry."

"Oh, Johnny, that's okay," Ponyboy says, smiling. "It is really sticky. It's really good though. What did you think?"

"It's really good," Johnny forces out, a fake smile on his face. "My compliments to the chef."

Johnny laughs softly but it's empty, it's fake. The 16-year-old picks up his plate from the table and walks into the kitchen, turning on the faucet.

He slowly washes his plate and puts it out to dry, his eyes looking out of the window. The sun was rising beautifully, light pastel colors splashed against the sky in a lovely pattern.

After a few minutes of staring, quiet footsteps walk into the kitchen. Johnny continues to stare at the sunrise, too caught up with such beauty.

"You know, it looks so much better outside," Ponyboy says to him, a small smile on his face. "We could go sit on the porch and see it. Come on, we can do that."

Johnny hesitantly turns his head away from the art against the sky, slightly nodding his head. Whenever Ponyboy and he would go out to watch the sunrise or the sunset, it usually led to a deep conversation.

That scares him more than anything. He doesn't want to give out his biggest secrets but Ponyboy always finds a way to make him open up.

Ponyboy looks at his older friend and looks at him, gently grabbing his hand and walks him to the porch. He sits down and Johnny sits next to him, still not letting go of the older boy's hand.

Johnny looks back up at the sky, focusing his full attention to the beautiful colors. They were one of the little qualities in life he still lived for.

"So, Johnny," Ponyboy starts. "What's going on at home? Did it get a little better?"

"No," Johnny murmurs. "It got a lot worse... Mom won't even look at me anymore unless it's to aim at me with her liquor bottles... Dad... Dad beats me still, a lot worse though... That's not the worst part..."

"What's the worst part," Ponyboy asks hesitantly, not wanting to hit a sensitive spot.

"The way he talks to me," Johnny says, his eyes slowly filling with tears. "Johnny, I never wanted you around... You're a waste of space and your mom should have swallowed you... You're a retard, no wonder you don't have any friends... You should go kill yourself, save me some money..."

Johnny's tears flow freely down his cheeks, his throat tightening as well as his grip to Ponyboy's hand. His voice was cracking as he speaks.

"Make sure you don't get blood on my carpet when you kill yourself," Johnny spits out, almost angrily. "I can't afford to get all your suicide blood cleaned up for you!"

Ponyboy stays quiet, not wanting to interrupt the older boy. He needs to vent and that's what was happening.

"You don't know how many times I've wanted to kill myself while my mom was out drinking or my dad was out fucking some whore," Johnny spits. "Get blood all over his stupid fucking carpet as the best goodbye I could ever give him! I could give him exactly what he wants from me! I could kill myself and save him some beer money!"

Johnny breaks down into tears, his body wracking with loud sobs. Ponyboy quickly lets go of his hand and wraps his arms around him tightly.

It kills him to see Johnny so upset, so willing to die. He was so young and has so much to live for but all he wants is death...

"Johnny, come on man, don't talk like that," Ponyboy attempts. "There is a lot left here for you. Don't let them get to you..."

"Why not, Ponyboy," Johnny asks weakly. "Why can't I talk like that? That's how I feel? I can't keep it fucking inside me forever! It's killing me because I can't tell anyone! I can't tell people how I feel and that hurts because they always expect me to be right at their fucking feet, waiting to be told what to do like some dog! Well, I'm not going to do that!"

Johnny sobs loudly, a wide and awkward grin on the boy's face. It was like he was trying to prove how 'okay' he was.

"I'm such a greedy, pathetic, waste of space, useless, weak, disgusting piece of shit," Johnny screams. "No one wants me around, not even my parents! They said they hated me for the first time when I was 12! Ever since then, its been nothing but fighting and abuse! I want to die!"

Ponyboy hugs the older boy tighter, letting Johnny bury his face into his neck and soaking his skin and shirt with warm tears. It takes a while for Johnny to finally calm down fully.

"I-i'm sorry," Johnny stutters out weakly, his voice shaky. "I-i'm sorry... I-i don't mean to blow up at you like that... I-i don't wanna die, Ponyboy... I-i don't wanna die, I j-just want the pain to stop..."

"Its okay, Johnnycake," Ponyboy cooes, his fingers gently rubbing his back comfortingly. "I know, I know... I'm always going to be here for you, you know? No matter what, no matter how hard it gets... You gotta stay alive... There is so much for you to live for..."

"L-like what," Johnny asks softly, sniffing right after.

"Like... All the good experiences of being an adult... Getting your first job, your first car, your first house... Getting a good wife and having a little baby... Johnny, you will never experience them things if you die... The gang needs you here... I need you here..."

"I-i need you too, Ponyboy... I-i need you here..."

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Word count; 1059

How was this?

I started crying while writing this, honestly. It took so much emotion out of me to write this and I feel better.

Also, just for clarification, Ponyboy only believes that Johnny gets randomly moody and sad because of his parents. He isn't aware of the full issue just yet

I really hope you liked this chapter because I worked really hard on it. Thank you so much for reading 💞