The Real Reason

Untitled Part 15

Sam was consumed in a dark abyss.

"LUCIFER!" he shouted, but his voice was swallowed by the void.

Sam tried to scream again, but his voice was again consumed.

It was terrifying.

Sam had been terrified before. But not like this.

He had been terrified in the Cage because of the intense agony he knew awaited him at any moment should Lucifer loose his protective grip around Sam's soul. He had been terrified on Earth when Dean had been dragged away by hellhounds. He had been terrified by the monsters he had seen and defeated.

He had been terrified of himself when he'd realized how far he had gone with Ruby.

He'd been even more afraid when he realized he was Lucifer's vessel. That he wasn't pure and never would be. That he was ever tainted with poison.

At that thought Sam could almost hear Lucifer scowl, "Why do you think you have to be perfect, Sam? You're only human. You did the best you could. Why do you place such high esteem on being pure, on being good, on being clean? You're not supposed to be perfect. You're supposed to be exactly as you are. As astounding, beautiful, and brave as you already are. As you always have been. As you always will be. You don't need to change a single thing."

Sam might've cried had his tears not been consumed by the darkness around him.

This was a different kind of fear. It was a fear of the unknown. The undefined.

It was a fear of a vast, unending darkness. Of everlasting nothingness.

Of separation from his angel.

"Lucifer, where are you?" Sam sobbed.

Above him, Sam heard the sound of latches being undone.

Light suddenly flooded his surroundings. Sam squinted.

"Sorry," Death said, "It's a bit roomy in there. Especially for one soul."

Death's cold hands reached inside his briefcase and pulled Sam's soul out. Sam was looking into the face of Death's vessel, which appeared much bigger than he remembered –although, Sam recalled Lucifer had mentioned something about human souls being small.

"Am I dead?" Sam asked.

Death scoffed, "Does that even have a meaning for you anymore? No, Sam. You are not dead."

"Where's Lucifer?" Sam asked.

"Lucifer is still inside the Cage." Death replied.

Those words stung a little, although Sam doubted Death meant for them to.

"Where am I now?" Sam asked.

"We are about to arrive on Earth. Dean and I made a deal to get your soul out of the Cage." Death answered, "You will be returned to your body soon."

"Dean!" Sam exclaimed.

It had been so long since Sam had seen his brother. He had missed Dean terribly. He'd also been afraid of forgetting his brother while in the Cage, so Lucifer had him recount his memories over and over so that wouldn't happen. Doing so had made Sam feel better.

"Lucifer." Sam said suddenly, "We have to go back for him."

Death looked surprised. "That wasn't part of the deal, Sam."

"You can't just leave him in there!" Sam exclaimed.

Death raised a skeptical eyebrow, "I did for several millennia. I owe Lucifer nothing."

"Look –" Sam fumbled for the words, "You just don't understand him. He's not as bad as people think."

"Lucifer is immature and apathetic." Death replied with a scowl, "He and I were not on the best of terms after his little tantrum –his attempt at the apocalypse."

"Not to me!" Sam exclaimed, "You don't understand him at all! Look, if you're worried about him using you for another apocalypse, I can talk him out of it. I promise."

Death shook his head, "That wasn't part of mine and Dean's deal." Death lifted a bony finger, "Our deal was to take one, and only one out of the Cage."

"But he's all alone." Sam said.

"I'm sorry, Sam. There's really nothing I can do." Death said, "I'm bound by my end of the bargain."

"So I get to go free," Sam murmured, "But Lucifer is still locked up."

Locked up and alone. Lucifer hated being alone.

"You suffered terrible things in the Cage, Sam." Death said, "I would be doing Dean no favors if I returned your soul as it is. I am going to put a wall inside your head to protect you from what happened. Don't. Scratch. At it."

"A wall. Like. A barrier?" Sam asked.

Death nodded.

"Between me and what happened? So I don't remember?" Sam prodded.

"Correct." Death replied.

"Maybe I don't wanna forget." Sam whispered.

"It is necessary. In order for you to return to your life on Earth, Sam." Death replied, then added sternly, "Don't. Scratch."