The Smell Of Spray Paint

Twenty.

Gilbert took a minute. I felt wrong to look at him while he was having his moment, but in the cramped shower stall it was kinda unavoidable.

He rubbed his head, "What are we going to do?" He sounded like he was asking himself as well as me.

I cleared my throat, "Go to the cops?" Was the only suggestion I had.

He shook his head quickly but he didn't sort or laugh like he usually did. Either this guy was too disturbed to be his old self or he was really making an effort to take me seriously, "We cannot do that." He told me, "There would be too much of an investigation."

But with an investigation the full extent of Judas' crimes would be discovered... "Isn't that good? We could get him put away!" My mind raced thinking about the retribution Gilbert would get, the dozens of street kids like me who would be saved.

He shook his head and put a hand on my shoulder, "Mattie they would get me involved, they would need me for a trial or whatever! And I cannot do that, with you around it is too risky."

My hopes died. Of course he was right, there was no way that he could get involved with the cops for anything as long as I was still around. They'd find me in an instant. I had forgotten that and it made me a little sad...

But I could do as much brainstorming as I wanted. There was no way that we could get rid of him permanently that didn't involve the cops or killing him, and we were not gonna kill Judas. I had nearly gone there and knew just from that that ending someone's life would traumatise us both no matter who it was. Just thinking back to that day made me feel sick, hot, and anxious, like walls were closing in around me. So the cops it was.

I looked at him firmly, "We have to put him away, Gil'. Somehow." I was staring directly into eyes.

He released me and paced the small space, rolling his tense shoulders, "We can run away. I have liked Hamburg for a long time." He was fidgeting as he thought, "It would put them off the trail of finding you too... Berlin is dumb; we can go somewhere nice in Hamburg and have lots of sex."

I smiled sadly, "What if he finds us there?"

He looked at me almost pleading me to go along with his idea, "There are lots of cities in Germany..."

I was almost swayed. Gilbert belonged in Berlin, for him to want to leave it was a big deal. I knew he was distressed but this was another level.

However, running from Judas wouldn't save us. I felt safe to assume that he didn't just haunt Berlin; he was a guy with contacts. He'd find us.

There was another issue that I still needed to think about too. Even if we got out of Judas' clutches, it wasn't gonna help the others that would potentially fall into his hands. He took those that no one would realise were gone until it was too late and hid the evidence. Us running away would do nothing for them.

He was still pacing but I grabbed his arm, stilling him, "We can't just go, kids out there are in serious danger because of that guy. He said it himself; he wants us dead because we know too much. We have a power over him right now; I think we should use it!" I had to admit, I was getting excited by this. We could do great things, him and I.

"Mattie..." He sounded upset, "What are you saying?" The talk of power seemed a little exaggerated for him. Judas had been looming over Gilbert ever since I met him, even when he didn't show it. In fact, I think Judas was the only thing he was afraid of, the guy took his kidney, giving him excruciating pain by cutting him open and making Gilbert so sure that he was gonna go in such a gruesome way, so no one could blame him. So it was hard, understandably enough, that the idea of having any power over his greatest fear would seem silly to him.