The Smell Of Spray Paint

Twenty One.

We had been talking for hours now but it never seemed to get anywhere,

"Gilbert..." I was telling him for the thousandth time, "We have to go to the cops... It's the only way!" I wanted to shake him, every time that I had to drill into him the fact that we weren't going to solve this without help from the authorities he would shake his head and tell me no, no, no.

He was doing that now. "Mattie, you do not understand!" He shrugged, not knowing how to put his point across in any other way. "We cannot do that!"

I was getting so tense, but we weren't yelling yet. In almost a defeated way I let my head drop on to his lap as I got comfortable in the blankets, getting ready to try again, "We'd save lives..." I was doing everything in my power to convince him.

He sat back against the wall. He knew I was right, but it wasn't that easy. I had to get him to admit that to himself. "It is too dangerous."

I knew he was referencing me. I was the danger, of course I was. In my position I would always be a risk, but this couldn't go on.

I pulled at the blanket, building up the frustration yet again, "People are dying! He's after us because he knows that we could stop him! People are dying."

"Stop saying that!" He snapped.

I looked up at him, "But it's true!"

He gave out some kind of snarl before being quiet again and closing his eyes, steadying himself with deep breaths. "I do not want to lose you." And he took my hand, kissing each finger. My heart felt warm... It was so nice to be wanted. So, so nice...

But there was still stuff between us. I pulled my hand away, "I'm not going anywhere." I reminded him. In that shower stall I had realised that as self centred as the notion may be, I wasn't letting Gilbert go. We were all the other had, really.

He didn't go for my hand again, "There has to be another way." He had said this so many times but had never come up with anything.

I pressed my face to his abdomen, he was so warm. "But there isn't, is there?" My voice was muffled.

"There is always another way Mattie!" He was getting desperate again. This is how it was. I would get insistent, he would get upset and tell me no, he would get mad but calm down, and then he would get determined. Then I got insistent.

I sat up to look him in the eye. This time, this time my point hit home. It had to; I had said it so many times before.

"You're the one who doesn't get it!" I didn't raise my voice, but I could see that he was listening this time. Maybe it was the conviction in my voice that grabbed his attention. "What're you gonna do? Kill him? Run away? Just wait for us to get caught by him? You're a homeless man, I'm a kid who is so much of a liability that I could get you arrested in a moment! We are helpless!" I shook his shoulder.

He frowned, "Why would they believe me anyway? And how can I go see the police when you are right, you could get me arrested! They would take you away and say I kidnapped you! We would never be together again!" He looked so upset and it was getting to me, really getting to me. I hated seeing him this way, it just wasn't him, but I couldn't give up.

I softened; I knew this was hard for him... I knew that. "We'll find a way... I promise, we'll find our way around it." I hushed him, rubbing his back. Judas would never be something he could imagine ending well.

"I love you." He told me again.

"I know," Was my reply.

He sat up straighter, he was slightly bleary eyed, "You do not know what to do as much as me." He attempted a small laugh.