Exquisite Saga #1: Chianti Callahan

Chapter 30: The Colors

A/N: Thank you to Rissa Rodriguez, a Psychology graduate friend for answering all my questions :* And of course to my friends na nagbibigay sakin ng mas magandang point of view para sa mga ginagawa kong kababalaghan kay Chi <3

PS: Don't forget to leave a message so we can know what your feedback is. Thanks! On-going na din ang Exquisite Saga #2 and #3 ngayon.

CHAPTER 30 

CHIANTI'S POV

Nahihintakutang sumiksik ako sa gilid ng madilim na kwarto at iniharang ko sa mukha ko ang mga kamay ko na madudumi. Sumigaw ako ng sumigaw nang makita ko ang palapit na pigura pero walang boses akong naririnig na nagmumula sa akin. Kahit anong hingi ko ng saklolo ay walang nakakarinig sa akin.

Tuluyan nang nakalapit sa akin ang pigura at sumipa at nagpapasag ako sa kabila ng sakit na nararamdaman ko pero imbis na lumayo ay mariin niyang tinakpan ang bibig ko at nilapit ang mukha niya sa akin.

I can see the face of the man I thought I won't be seeing again leering at me with his remaining eye that is the color of blood and with the half of his face gone.

I jolted awake with a scream. Akmang tatayo na ako mula sa kama nang bumikas ang ilaw at humahangos na nilapitan ako ni Gaige. Kaagad na ikinulong niya ako sa mga bisig niya habang ako ay patuloy sa pag-iyak.

Ayokong makita niya ako na ganito. Ayokong makita niya kung paano akong patuloy na nadudurog dahil sa mga nangyari. But I know I need him. I need him to keep me from breaking more that I already did.

I know he's whispering things at me to calm me down but I can't hear those and only his embrace has able to bring peace into me for a moment. He stayed with me for hours until I felt my eyes getting heavy again. And when he left my side I know he left the lights open.

Colors are always the first love of a painter. Kung paanong bawat kulay ay may kaniya-kaniyang identidad, pakiramdam, at kahulugan. Bawat kulay kayang bumuo ng kwento mula sa primerong pinanggalingan patungo sa panibago. That's why I always love the sunrise and the sunset no matter how cliche it can be. Just by looking at it I can see how the light is reaching out to the dark until it engulf it into its embrace.

But now, the sun is finally rising from its slumber but I can't feel anything as I look at it. From the windows of my room I can still see its beauty but it just doesn't do anything for me.

I can hold my brushes, dip it into the color I favor, and touch it to the empty canvas but it is just that. Exactly like splashing a color to a blank surface and not like an artist giving life to whatever reality she has.

My hand can paint whatever it wants but it needs my heart to paint an art. Gano'n din pala sa nararamdaman ko. I can feel something inside me and know that it is pain. Pero hindi ko maramdaman ng tuluyan...hindi ko maramdaman lahat.

At sa lahat ng mga nangyari sakin dapat ikatuwa ko pa pero hindi pala. Kasi paano ko hihilumin ang sarili ko kung hindi ko maramdaman ang sakit? I need to hear my voice so I can hear my pain. So I can feel it all.

I was pulled away from my thoughts when I felt a gentle hand touch my shoulder. Nag-angat ako ng tingin at nakita ko si Gaige sa likod ko na may maliit na ngiti sa mga labi. Sa kabila no'n ay nakikita ko pa rin ang pag-aalala sa mga mata niya.

It's been five days since they got me out from the hell I was in and two days since I got out of the hospital. The doctor's only explanation on what is happening to me is a result of Post-traumatic disorder. Hindi ko magawang makarinig dahil iyon ang nagsisilbing depensa ng sarili ko mula sa mga nangyari. They said it's only temporary and I should get back my hearing if my body is ready.