«Days like this I want to drive away. Pack my bags and watch your shadow fade.»
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Jenna took short breaths, her grip on the steering wheel tightened to the point her knuckles turned white. She wanted to yell, she wanted to take the first flight or train or whatever back to her roommate in Lille, and worst of all, she wanted to cry. Her eyes were already pilling with tears and she knew she could let it all out anytime.
But Jenna hated the mere thought of crying thanks to Eden Hazard one more time. Perhaps her tears weren't because her heart was broken like five years ago, she felt like they were full of rage and resentment, however, she wouldn't allow herself to waste them on someone like Eden. So she swallowed everything, the anger, the regret, and whatever ugly emotion she could find to describe how she felt about him.
It was naïve of her to keep pretending something like that wouldn't happen to her as soon as she decided to come back to London. Jenna knew the possibilities of seeing Eden again were high, after all he was in a streak of popularity, so she was prepared to see and hear about him all the time. She did not expect to have him so close to her and to listen to him talking like he didn't ruin her life five years ago.
It's not like she needed him to apologize to her to have some sort of closure, Jenna couldn't care less about how sorry he could be, she buried all that dead weight a long time ago, but that part of her who still remembered how much he hurt her and how little he cared about it, was still bugging her.
Slowly taking deep breaths, she tried to calm herself down. Jenna shut her eyes, feeling how her eyelashes got damp. As she opened her eyes, and contemplated the empty road in front of her, Jenna realized that even if she felt like she couldn't get a word out in front of him without crying in anger, she wanted to tell him how she felt all those years. She wanted to tell him something more than just 'go to hell', because he deserved that and more. But she couldn't, if she ever had him in front of her ever again (she prayed it wouldn't happen) then it'd happen again, she'd hold back for the sake of her own mentality.
Eden Hazard is not worth the time, Jenna told herself so many times, looking at the mirror in her apartment, those first months after all the mess happened, and she could go on. Now she was reminding herself that.
Her phone sounded inside her pocket, and she jumped out on her seat. Her hand traveled to her chest, trying to ease her beating heart. That's what being all nervous and paranoid made to her.
She took the phone out of her pocket and accepted the call. "Hello?"
"Hey there Jen." As soon as she heard Isaac's voice, she calmed down. "I just called to know if we are still on for lunch, you know I don't have a lot of time for it, so I wanted to make sure."
Jenna breathed deeply and smiled. "Yes, we are still on for lunch, Isaac."
"Nice. Okay then, I see you in a few hours. Take care."
"Yeah, you too. Goodbye." And she cut the call.
It made her feel bad how so many people looked so happy to have her around again and how she couldn't feel the same way. Her sister wanted her to spend as much time as she could with her and her nieces, Isaac, her best friend since they were kids, was willing to share the little time he had on his hands with her, and her father, God, her father just wanted Jenna to talk to him about all those years she was away from home; none of them saw the possibility of Jenna leaving again, and that was eating her inside.
