Honesty

I'm Not Happy When I'm Happy

6/18/2018 -edited 2/25/2020

I'm not happy when I'm happy,

I'm happy when I'm sad.

When I'm happy I feel sick, 

when I'm sick I feel grand. 

I'm not happy while I laugh

I'm more happy as I cry; 

Small tears are for depression, 

large tears are for joy. 

I'm anxious as the sun rises,

two p.m. I avoid; 

But I'm happy when the sun sets,

nighttime fills the heart's void. 

When I was young I hated sleep,

now I sleep when I'm awake. 

My mind is alive in the dark,

but dead in the light. 

When I was young I saw hope,

dreams that could be fulfilled;

but I put it off 'til "adulthood,"

and I put it off still. 

My only instinct is to be comfortable,

to just make sure I survive.

But that doesn't make me happy,

more like I've shriveled up and died. 

"Blessed are you who are now hungry, because you will be filled. Blessed are you who weep now, because you will laugh...Woe to you who are now full, for you will be hungry. Woe to you who are now laughing, for you will mourn and weep." -Luke 6:21, 25