Honesty

You saw me

1/22/19 -gently edited 8/19/20

You saw me when I was in my mother's womb

small and frail,

not yet ready for this world. 

I depended on protection,

a loving tummy where there would be no harm.

You saw me when I was born

hairy and delicate,

a gift of feminine joy to my mother.

I knew not yet what this world would do to me,

or that I now had the chance to change it.

You saw me when I was a child

and lied about going on the monkey bars,

obsessed with Disney Channel and breaking my arm.

I depended on guidance,

already filled with dreams but unaware of plans.

You saw me when I was 12

writing stories at my grandma's house

but more concerned with becoming a celebrity.

I was blind to much harshness still,

innocence carrying me as far as it could.

You saw me when the devil saw my brother

and plagued him with harmful illusions

that he still must act to deteriorate.

Now in pain, filled with fear,

I threw myself into fantasy land.

You saw me when we moved my fifteenth year

and I had no friends.

Darkness overcame and depression settled in.

I was lost,

but you found me and brought me back.

You saw me when I graduated from high school,

an end to days of dull learning

and doing things that for me were not all life meant.

I was overjoyed,

but did not look too closely at the future close ahead.

You were there with me

when I moved to college

just a few hours away from Phoenix.

Though I wrestled with fear and doubt,

You provided and protected me each step of the way.

You are still with me:

when I hate the shape of my body,

when I'm overwhelmed with homework,

when I say something wrong,

don't take an opportunity,

when my brother screams.

You are my friend when I feel lonely,

You are my comforter in my sickness,

my home when I miss home.

You are my strength when I am weak,

the one thing that never changes.

I depend on You for all things,

because you can and will freely give them to me. 

"Your eyes saw my unformed body; all my days were written in Your book and ordained for me before one of them came to be." -Psalm 139:16