Antidote ;Sequel to Kryptonite;

Chapter One: Wounded

        Waves consumed me, throwing me back and forth to the point where my vision was stuck in the abyss. The bottomless pit that once held my heart squeezed in agony and rage. My arms reached out in panic as terror spread throughout my entire body the second he left. I couldn't function- I was paralyzed for what felt like forever. Time moved so slowly; making seconds feel like eternity as everything turned catastrophic. The temperature plummeted as the water turned to ice almost instantaneous. In some way it was peaceful. I didn't have to fight anymore.

        That was the dream I was faced with every night since his departure. A continous nightmare that controlled every aspect of me. I was frozen with pure fear as my hands gripped at the bed sheets to try and pull myself out of it. The moment I reached next to me and realized there was nothing there, I would break out into tears. It dawned on me every time I extended my arm that I was searching aimlessly for the one thing I would never see again. Never again would I get to touch the boy I loved. He would never greet me with that warm smile or give me his strong hand to hold onto.

        I was alone. I was numb. The month of April brought some of it's coldest showers despite it being spring. I'd open my window and sit on the sill, not feeling anything as my feet dangled there lifelessly. The cold drops of rain pounded on me, drenching me to the bone. It washed away all hope and tears from my face. Each day my mother would try and pull me out of bed to enjoy the warmth of the sun and get back in touch with my friends. My response would be turning over to the opposite side, shutting myself into the saftey of my sheets. I hid from her until she went to bed and I was free to roam without question or a watchful eye. I'd open my window and sit in the rain, letting the rain wash over me to the early hours of the morning. I would then trudge back inside, strip myself of the wet clothes and change into another dull pair just to slither back into bed.

        I wondered if he thought about me like I thought of him. Was he shut up in his bed feeling like his insides had been yanked from him? That his heart had been tore open and shredded a million times. Or was he out courting girls and living the life every boy his age wanted. Meanwhile I stayed home and sulked in my bed.

        The day the boys left, I was broken to say the least. I refused to leave my room for any circumstance and that included school. Slowly my absent days turned into weeks until finally my mother took me out and instead invested in homeschooling me for the rest of junior year. I missed my junior prom but I could honestly care less. I didn't want to watch everyone get close and personal with their dates. Everyone would be dressed to their nines and be paired up with someone while I would be the loser by the punch table just watching them. It would be personal hell if I stood there and tried to pretend I was okay with it. I might as well watch Harry and Elizabeth make out if I was going to put myself in a situation like prom. I couldn't bare to even walk in the same hallways that he did or sit in my math class knowing he was supposed to sit next to me. Everyone watched my every move waiting to gauge my reaction. That's why I just never showed back up at Sea Side my junior year.

        By the time I was back for my senior year, people went back to acting like I was a fly on the wall. I wasn't anything interesting but I couldn't help but feel like I had a pair of eyes watching me every now and then. The worst part of senior year was when I would pass by Abigail, Sarah, or Tammy. I became a stranger to them and I couldn't blame them for dropping me. They tried their hardest to help me when the boys left a year ago. They would sit for hours in my room as I cried, begging me to talk to them but I wouldn't budge. Slowly their visits became less and less frequent until they finally stopped showing up. I lost everyone in a span of a year and it was all my fault. Everyone was worried for my well being and instead of opening up and talking about everything, I pushed and shoved them out. I closed up my heart and mouth for a whole year.

        One may call it childish but I had no idea what to do. I couldn't call up Niall or any of the boys, in fear that word would get back to Harry that I was weak and missing him like crazy. I thought about expressing how I felt to my mother but everytime his name reached my tongue, I would burst back into tears. I was trying to build a bridge and get over it but it was so difficult. I couldn't turn on the damn TV without being in fear of seeing one of their faces. My hair hadn't gotten a proper haircut since they left because the word 'hair' reminded me too much of Harry. I could just imagine the poor hairdresser asking me what hair style I wanted and I would begin to cry because it sounded too much like Harry Styles.

        They say time heals all wounds. "When in doubt, just give it time and it will all figure itself out". I did everything I could to make the time pass. I watched movies and indulged in endless carbs, hoping that my heart would heal the old fashion way. I turned on the radio once just to see if music cheered me up but hell had it out for me and the next song playing was by them. I had other ideas- like going outside and running or getting a cliche makeover. But who would give me one? I didn't have enough money to go out and get one done. And I had lost all my friends at this point. It was my own actions that caused it but I couldn't help it. Everyone asked too many questions and I didn't know how to respond to any of them. I would read every facebook message, every text... and I wouldn't respond. I hoped time would fix this but after the first six months I didn't hold any hope.

        The worst was the 'are you okay?' question. Because I had no clue what to say. I wanted to say yes but my heart pounded and demanded to say no. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs everytime I was asked that. Instead I would just look away from their curious eyes and simply shrug my shoulders. People got so tired of me shrugging my shoulders. I became nuisance in everyone's eyes. Poor pathetic Christina- the girl who couldn't function properly just because she got hurt once from a boy. A dumb boy with dumb curls and a dumb smile and dumb face.

        It took a whole year and and two months to finally get out of my rut. Senior prom had passed and I just turned 19. Graduation was in two weeks and finally a long, dull summer was ahead of me. Last summer I spent it crying my eyes out... Like I had done every day really. But today was different. I dragged myself out of bed one early Saturday morning, slowly but surely. I threw on my long forgotten running shoes. With my hair in a messy ponytail, I walked out into the living room for the first time without tear stained cheeks. I found my mother on the couch with her knees tucked under her as she gripped her coffee mug. My mother's eyes peeled away from the TV, growing big at the sight of me up before noon on a weekend. Silence hung in the air as she looked at me in the doorway, unsure of what to say before she finally asked.

        "Are you okay, sweetie?"

        I'm going to be, I thought. Eventually.