~~I wrote this 2.5 months ago~~
I def have feels for this boy
Strong ones I don't know how to express (idk if I've said this before but when I feel it's usually all in or all out so that's always fun)
Basically I'm writing this for him
He is very unaware of my feels
I don't tell him my feels very often
Well. I don't tell him about the feels I have for him, I tell mostly my other feels
I've known him basically forever XD
Yet I still know so little about him
But as I learn more and more about him I find out what kind of guy he is.
Lemme tell you, he's an amazing guy. Like funny, cute, nice, giving, caring, smooth, etc
I wouldn't mind giving him all of me
Like this fucking kid
I'd do a lot for this fucker
He can be a total asshole sometimes but not legit legit
He makes you think he's scary and shit but he's soft
So fucking soft
And sometimes he gets all subby boy and I want to smother him in my tits and protect him from the world but he won't let me :(
It's sad really, considering I have hella strong maternal instincts
I don't want this to be like a sappy love letter you find in your locker in fanfiction
Because this is real
It doesn't feel like it sometimes
But this is my life
(Oh also I got an album recommended to me and y'all should go listen to it,,,, NIN: the downward spiral)
I don't know how this asshole got stuck with me
I don't know how he hasn't run away screaming yet
It truly baffles me
I've been really depressed and down recently and this asshole tries to help and the fact that he tries helps more than the ways he tries
If he cares enough to try to help then he must care a least a little, right?
(I hope this makes sense) (It probably doesn't but oops i guess)
We were talking about depression/suicide/self harm and he told me something that, I think, really changed a lot for me
He never said when but he said he attempted
If he succeeded I wouldn't have him
He wouldn't be here
(this is gonna be cheesy n shit) where would i be without him.....?
so because of him and that I've decided to really give this all another try
yknow
getting better
trying to live
and be happy
so thats a thing ~
I have said a few times that I was Gay and he just kinda shrugs and moves on and honestly that's amazing
I mean i'm only bi but still
Also he likes similar music to me
how great is that
I sent him a link to his chapter... i wasn't thinking.... he got to the rest of it...... he read all my thoughts
my most depression moments and just shit I couldnt keep in
he hasnt run away yet (i'll keep you updated on that XD)
He likes his first chapter the best (of course he does)(asshole)
He likes it when I admit feelings i guess
Almost every time i admit feels he goes "aw" and a lot of times i blush and die so thats always fun
And he makes me eat
what kind of monster is he XD
no, it's actually nice
((Addicted by Saving Abel came on... geez...))
Sometimes when I'm too depressed or anxious I'm not hungry but he'll make me eat
even somehow without being here
sometimes involves threats ;)
It makes me feel a lot better cuz eating does help and it shows he at least doesn't want me to die yet so
All right I can't do much else right now, words aren't flowing like normal
