Nouveau

Chapter 58: Comin' Home

Laive

She quietly looked at the brisk skyline while anxiousness wore down the soles of her feet. The need to run as a remedy to relieve stress seemed to burst at the seams as Laive lied in bed, unable to accept what happened and fall asleep.

Mad that respect bridled her tongue, profanity and insults should have developed their own language when going back and forth with her mom. The walls L self-consciously built throughout life began thickening again. Respect was a personal means of self control. Laive never wanted anyone to have power over how she responded.

Behaving a certain way and staying in control of her personal demeanor, although a bit calculating, was a protection mechanism. It was important that she kept her character in tact. But this time, L didn't have the patience nor restraint to be the bigger person. Babygirl wasn't holding a grudge but there wasn't an olive branch extended on her behalf either.

That's why Laive preferred debates over arguments. They were much more logical and level headed. She could respect stated opinions endorsed by facts while arguments came with emotions, tensions, and a loss of self control when topics at hand were pushed too far. Her family members were chronic victims of emotional intelligence and lacked simple understanding.  If her mom was a product of isolation among siblings due to independence and stability, why did she lack the tools to prevent the same experience within her own family?

It was still a sore spot that her mom got a rise out of her. The emotions and obscure loss of restraint chipped away at L. There was one reason to be proud...at least she kept integrity. Not once escalating the conversation where it deserved to go.

Displacement gave Laive freedom. California couldn't be manipulated from her grasp. Their disagreements tended to be coaxed over to keep her in place for future use. She was no longer at her family's disposal...But was it normal to be without family? If she really put her mind to shutting everyone out....was it going to be worth it?

What about her nieces and nephews? The ones she promised herself to break the cycle with. Would permanently separating herself make Laive just like the people she refused to become?

Almost.

L wanted to pick up the phone and call Tremaine to explain what went on. He seemed like the only viable option that could give her heavy heart and repressed tear ducts some relief.  Two Soul Train and three People's Choice nominations, including her family coming out to see the show for the first time...ever...should have been more than enough reason for celebration.

But the night ended in chaos, while L left with integrity and tears on standby.

She should have cursed them out.

Sure that her mom was doing that fucked up thing she always liked to do afterwards. Confiding in her own husband, best friends, and mother. Justifying wayward actions, not taking accountability, and fixated on never apologizing. Most likely ranting in hopes that some simp would agree with her mindset. Why did that lady always need an amen corner?  It was just some sick way of gaining approval so guilt from what she'd done didn't sting as bad. Funny thing was, her mom was never short of people or an audience.

Laive refused to kiss her ass.

24 hours would barely pass before L would hear from her. And her mother would try to hold a conversation like nothing happened. Laive could not  stand that her family would move on without resolving issues....without simple exchanges "I was wrong" and "I'm sorry."