Nouveau

Chapter 59: Residuals

Laive

1. Will things get better?
2. Do all good people suffer?
3. What do you want out of life?
4. What would make you happy?

Her journal entry needed answers. And it hurt Laive that she couldn't give any concrete ones.

Nothing.

WHY?!

Her and God were having a hard time communicating. It was against her spirit to question the things destiny had in store, but it was getting to the point where bridling her tongue gouged at the  heart and discouraged understanding. How could one send her to a family that seemed so cruel? That outcasted her when she wasn't obedient to their needs. That internalized every apology and ounce of accountability. That took advantage of all the innate gifts she was blessed with. And why give her so many?

She could minister and live in purpose as a librarian. Shelving, organizing, and loving books. Be a janitor, cleaning and sanitizing like she loved to do. Why couldn't her talents be simple?

Why was she divinely chosen to carry so many talents along with intellectual competence, creativity, respect, obedience...God threw all kinds of things in for Laive to cultivate and nurture. Why couldn't she suffer from loss of potential and only grasp one concept or gift? That would make her normalized. That would make her more...

Human.

Less burdened.

Why did the omnipotent make her so different? From her siblings and family? From the world?

"I prayed over your mother's womb while she was pregnant."

Laive held her soft hands as she sat by her bedside. Struggling with the fact that her Great Grandmother was gracefully wilting in old age. And although she wore it well, L knew the time was imminent. She couldn't be with them forever.

"Her skin was peachy. Was glowing like honey suckle right after sunrise."

"I bet she was beautiful..." Laive wished she could've seen her mom before she came into the world. Her mom's asymmetrical big hair cut and fancy threads. The smiles in that photo album seemed to dance off the page.

"Mhmm. Eyes so innocent you woulda thought she was still a child. Back then, sug' was givin' her a hard time about getting married right out of high school and already having a baby."

But she was happy.

MéMé spoke up, "She was in love."

L smiled, "Grinning like a Cheshire Cat."

"She didn't even know you were in there. Was carrying you with an extra light. I don't know why she thought she could hide it."

MéMé told Laive tales of how she prayed over her mother's unannounced and swollen tummy. Asked that God would give her mother someone who would love unconditionally. A child who lived in the world and did not conform to it. That they were honorable, light hearted, and kind. That whoever the little person was would make the family proud and leave a legacy that served his will.

"And I asked for a girl. Lord how I wanted her to have another baby girl. "

Did MéMé's prayers over her mother's womb speak of precedence? Divinity? Selflessness?

So this was her fault.

Laive was convinced that her own prayers weren't making it pass the pearly gates. Maybe God ignored her because MéMé's prayers had been covering and manifesting faithfully for over two and a half decades.  Maybe the creator made good people suffer to acquire an immense amount of humility that was needed to relate and re-sew into the next generations.