Nouveau

Chapter 63: Clarity

"Love isn't desire. It's permission." -Laive

Laive

L stumbled out, "I love you."

Unclothed with bare skin accentuated by satin undergarments and neon socks, L was complaining and trying to convince Tremaine to remove his sweat shirt because it was making her catch fever. She escaped his body heat to rest on the opposite side of the SUV's interior. A soft sheen of dampness glistened against her complexion like an oil canvas, careful to reflect the dim translucent hues of blue and purple colorings against her form.

She exhaled while raking her fingers over head and said it again. This time more confident but softer, "I love you."

Baby girl wasn't sure when it happened...the exact day and time she fell for Tremaine. The night in Vegas didn't count even though it was the first time she said it. Laive had loved him way before her mouth ever said anything. She wanted to take credit by convincing herself she loved him first (though he claimed to be the first to say it). L couldn't recall.

Even when Tremaine didn't love her. When Tremaine ran instead of choosing her....L loved him anyway. Through separation, when she hurt, when she cried...

In her dreams...

She just loved any way.

Unconditional.

And even though responding in love hadn't served Laive's heart well most of her life, maybe in God's eyes L was indeed serving her purpose. Mèmè did say she prayed that Laive's life would let his will be done. So maybe baby girl was supposed to be the example of what unconditional love was. And with destiny, sometimes that meant being in isolation amongst the people she loved due to the degree of separation. It was possible that Laive would have the harsh reality of accepting that no one was ever going to love her like she loved them during this lifetime.

Anyway.

L kept loving anyway.

She'd watched on in horror as family, friends, and the two men she'd convinced herself to love make choices that Laive knew wouldn't end in grace. She'd often muster up the courage to warn or try and convince people not to go down that road. However, their paths belonged to them. And so did their choices; right or wrong.

So which disappointed more? the act or the choice. The action caused by another person which lead to L's hurt or the fact that she chose so poorly in the first place...How could anyone live with that reality? Knowing the hurt they experienced was nearly self inflicted due to their own decisions.

She chose her first.

She chose Micah.

She chose Lehr.  Even Tremaine...

And God indirectly humbled Laive during the process. Playing by the rules, listening to her parents, learning from others' mistakes. Preparing and molding herself into the perfect candidate for a respectable spouse, Ha! For what?

L felt like a fool for thinking that was enough to prepare for happily ever after. Numerous times Laive convinced herself that her family were pessimist for deeming her naive. Called her friends liars when they said God 's plan was nothing like her own. She just believed she could and would have it all exactly the way she envisioned. So much for that.

The problem with idealism is that reality destroyed the expectation every time. The current jest was L's pride. She would never admit that her family nor friends were right. Loving Tremaine had taught her that shit wasn't always black and white. But baby girl would swallow that pill on her own. What sense did it make to seek validation from others at this point?