What We Were

Chapter 2: Part 5

He spoke,

 “After weeks of thinking and really putting things in my life together, I’ve come to realize that maybe loving you isn’t such a crazy thing after all. I may not be the guy you were hoping for. I may just be that guy that cares too much about you to see you get hurt. I know that maybe I don’t always see clearly or maybe I just don’t know things like you, maybe I’m dumb. But when I feel something as strong as I feel for you, I won’t ignore it. I would do anything for you! First, I would tell you how beautiful I think you look today.  Every day. I would watch Disney movies with you when you’re lonely and you just want to be with someone. I would let you fall asleep on my shoulder in the car. I would dance with you under the stars until the morning comes. I would sing with you in my car to your favorite song.  I would be the best mother fucking cuddler in the goddamn world. I would do all these things; you want to know why, because at the end of the day I would get you. For right now, for today, I am the person that loves you more than anyone. And yes, maybe I’m a little clumsy. Maybe I do get too involved in other people’s lives. Maybe I do snore a little when I sleep. But that’s just me! And maybe I can’t do or give a lot of things, but I do know when someone doesn’t want me. And you know what…I’m so sorry if I made you feel embarrassed or put out. This, it was a crazy thing to do, but then again, love has driven people to do crazier things.”

 My eyes were tearing up, and I could hardly breathe. I was still trying to process everything that Noah just said. I was blank headed for what seemed like hours. Noah picked up his bags and keys. He only left money and the little pink box with a locket in it. He left the restaurant without another word. I stared off into space and cleared my head of everything. I swept my hair out of my wet cheeks. My face began to swell and turn red from the tears. Pull it together Jules you can do this, don’t cry in front of everyone! I felt the stares and whispers piercing me like needles in my back. Glancing down at the table, I ran my fingers across that little heart box with the locket inside. I couldn’t control myself any longer. I felt the tears coming harder so I just put my head down and wept as the rest of the people in the restaurant went back to their polite lunch conversations. In that instant I felt my heart break in two. How could I have done that to him! He had been there for me my whole life, through everything! I had just tossed him aside like he meant nothing. What is wrong with you Jules! You should’ve gone after him! You should’ve told him how much he meant to you. How much you cared for him! You are such a selfish horrible human being! I can’t believe how much I hate you Jules! This is a new low Jules! I am so disappointed in you! You only care about yourself. You should’ve been there. You should’ve told him. You should’ve. You should’ve.