What We Were

Chapter 3: Part 4

{(Julie’s point of view)}

As we pulled into my driveway, I took the keys out of the ignition and just sat for a while with Noah.

“You know what Jules?” he asked.

“What Noah?” I said lightly gazing at him. He looked straight ahead and replied.

“If you want me to stop liking you so much, I will try.”

“Noah…”

“No Jules, if you want me to stop, I will if you truly want me to. I care about you too much. I just want you to be happy, and we can be whatever you want us to be.”

“I am happy!”

“As friends?”

“I never said that.”

“Then as what Jules? Please just tell me what you want!”

“I don’t know what I want ok?” I said slightly raising my voice.

“Look, we have fun don’t we? We do things together and we’re happy, why do we have to go and put labels on things that, not even I, understand. Don’t ruin this, please! I don’t want you to leave being upset or disappointed or anything. I just don’t get why you have to come in and ruin what we have now.” I said, realizing how harsh it sounded.

He was silent for a couple moments. “Noah…”

 “Alright Jules God knows I can’t make you do anything you don’t want to do so when you figure it all out, don’t be too surprised if it’s too late.”

He stormed out of my car and grabbed his bags and was headed across the street. I knew that if I let him go, I would lose him. I quickly tried to get my seatbelt undone so that I could go after him. It took me at least three times before I was free and out of the car. I raced to catch up with him.

“Wait! Noah. Noah! NOAH!!!”

“What Julie?” I realized that when he turned around he was on the brink of tears. Without thinking I quickly grabbed his book bag and threw it to the ground. I was completely aware of what I was going to do.

               - (Noah’s point of view)-

“Alright Jules. God knows I can’t make you do anything you don’t want to do so when you figure it all out, don’t be too surprised if it’s too late.”

I was so done with all of that bullshit. What right did she have to waltz in and make me feel like I might be getting somewhere with her, and then change her mind as soon as I bring it up? It’s like she was leading me on or something. God I hate this! I hate her! I hate her for making me fall for her so hard! I can’t do this anymore! I can’t be running after a girl who obviously doesn’t love me the way I love her. I made an idiot out of myself tonight, actually thinking that she could’ve felt something when she held my hand. That maybe she could’ve felt something when we look at each other or when we hear each other’s voice.

But then again, isn’t this all my fault anyways? Oh god no! I did this to myself! I made myself believe that she could have feelings for me. That she did have feelings for me. Oh god it’s all my fault! I ruined us. She was right.

 I heard her come after me, calling my name. I felt like I was going to puke and cry out at the same time. I didn’t want to hear her say my name. It sounded like she was spitting out a curse word.

“What Julie?” I said turning around and directly facing her, only inches apart. I thought maybe it was a mistake to let her see me almost crying but I didn’t give a damn. She took my book bag from me and threw it to the middle of the street, where we stood, only making me angrier. What could she possibly have to say to me that will make things ok?! What in the world could she have to tell me that will magically…? Then, Julie ripped me from my livid thoughts. She looked me square in the eyes, grabbed my face, and then it all went white.