What We Were

Chapter 6: Part 4

-(Julie’s point of view)-

I ended up having amildtransient ischemic attack, in other words I had an anxiety attack. Mom said it was nothing serious, but Noah still couldn’t bring himself to leave, and honestly I was more than ok with that.

 As the morning light streamed through my window I took a deep breath, and pulled up the blanket.  I felt something weird between me and my mattress beneath. Being too tired neither to get up all the way, nor to remove the object, I just yawned quietly to myself. After a few minutes it started to bug me so I sat up to investigate the mysterious lump underneath me. I reached for it and realized it was an arm. I slowly turned over to my other side. When I turned I saw Noah, sound asleep, lightly snoring, and light shining down from the window in droplets on his nose. He looked at complete peace. I didn’t realize how close I was to him, all I felt was his immense tranquility; it was nice to see him like this, even if it was just the one time. You see, I didn’t know then, that would be the last I would see him so quiet and serene as he was at that moment in my brain. I can still see it sometimes if I think hard enough. It’s breath taking.

I glided the blade of my finger down his cheek like it was a map. I traced down his right side, making a left at his scar, and a left down where his dimple should be, then going back up the north road and making it to the rim of his eyes. I made a left hand turn to the bridge of his nose and the indention just above his lips. He scrunched his nose for a minute, then gradually pulled his big brown puppy eyes open and looked into mine, making me feel so tiny compared to him. He made me feel so little and so safe, if that makes any sense whatsoever. He blinked a couple times and inhaled deeply as he stretched his arms, as a lion, waking up from a deep nap in the savanna. The morning sun light sprinkling his olive skin and that lion let out a great yawn and smacked like a child, rubbing his eyes. Twisting his arms and legs around, he lazily dropped his arm over my lap and laid his head against the pillow.

“Morning lovely.” He slipped out in morning rasp.

“Hmmmm…Good morning sunshine!” I stretched a small smile across my face. Oh god my face! I probably looked a mess. Before I could let Noah kiss me, which he craned up his neck to do, I jumped out of bed violently and ran to my bathroom. I looked like an absolutely disgusting mess. Desperately trying to fix myself, I heard him shuffle out of bed and coming toward me. Oh shit.

“Something the matter?” He said rubbing his eyes and yawning slightly then looking at me in the mirror. He chuckled at me, watching me primping.

“You’re cute you know that don’t you?”

I crinkled my nose a little at his words. “You are!”

“No you are.” He whispered into the crane of my neck and kissing me lightly on the cheek. I brushed it off and rolled my eyes.

“No I’m really not, I’m fat and disgusting.” I uttered almost to myself. I walked out of the bathroom, giving up, but unfortunately he did hear me and followed after. “What did you just say?”

“I said I’m fat and disgusting…” I stated a little louder. I felt a little pang in my heart as I said those words. I walked out of my room completely, down the stairs, and into the kitchen.

“Jules!?” I heard him call out from the stairs, and scurried down the stairs to find me.

“Jules! You are neither fat nor disgusting.” He said looking at me, well more like into me. He sounded serious.

“Then why are my thighs and ass so huge? Why am I so curvy? I am fat and disgusting!” I said turning away from Noah.

“Hey.” He said trying to come to me. I walked to the next counter and began stirring my coffee. I was a step ahead of him, as he tried to keep up. I didn’t want him to argue with me about something I knew far too much about..

“Heeeyy!! Would you stop running away from me?” He said, frustrated with me. He grabbed my waist and turned me to face him, but I didn’t dare make eye contact until he demanded me to.

 “Look at me Jules!”

“What?” I said impatiently

“You’re not fat!”

I sighed with disbelief, “Look can we just drop this?”

“Just…listen!” Noah raised his voice, appalling me at first. I listened to him.

“As your boyfriend it is my job to make sure you feel perfect just as you are.” Noah’s eyes softened, “Why do you feel like this?” he said caressing my arms, which he unfolded and rested them against his chest. I just shrugged.

“I’m not necessarily upset because I’m fat; I’m upset because I feel like I’m not good enough for you. You’re tall and muscular and handsome, and I’m short and curvy. It’s like we’re opposites.”

“Jules, I honestly hope you’re kidding right now because I’m in love with the way you look.”

“Are you now?” I cut in skeptically.

Noah nodded like a small child, “I love you, I love that your shorter than me because then I can cuddle you and keep you safe. I love your curves. I love that there’s meat on your bones, it gives me something to hold onto when…well you know. I love your face, when you’re all cuddled up with your glasses on, you look adorable. And when you get all dressed up I can’t keep my eyes, let alone my hands, off you. I love everything about you Jules. You’re perfect to me, and don’t you ever think otherwise.” 

               And with that Noah pulled me in and kissed me, right there in my kitchen on a Saturday morning. Amazing.

Then I pulled away only a second, “Did you say boyfriend?”

He smiled wide and pulled me back into his kiss. All this hiding from parents and Jess at school, I don’t think we had ever used that term before. But it felt amazing to hear him say aloud.

               When we pulled apart, I saw a little rumple of blonde hair, and chubby cheeks rubbing her eyes, smiling, and screamed, “NOAHIE LOVES JULIE! HE DOES! HE DOES!”