Luck of a Chubby Girl

Chapter 23

I kept telling myself it was the right decision. I repeated those words in my head, as I made a few bags. As the airplane took off. As I reached Toronto's airport and cried in my mom's arms, unable to answer the questions everyone asked me.

My family worried about me a lot. Even after a week of me not eating right, crying every day alone in my room, not speaking to anyone more than the necessary monosyllable word, they worried and tried to make me feel better. For the first month, I didn't get out of the house. I was always alone in my room, that was both familiar and comforting, but also a reminder of where I was not.

I couldn't turn my phone on until four weeks later. I was nervous as I did, immediately getting dozens of messages from the people I had decided to leave behind. Those memories hurt too. It wasn't fair, but thinking about them hurt. So I eliminated almost all the messages I received, without reading. I knew they were worried. And eventually they got mad. I wondered if they would eventually just forget about me.

I closed my eyes when the most hurtful name popped up. I just forced my trembling fingers to delete everything and curled up again under my blankets.

My parents eventually forced me to go out with them. By the second month, I was feeling better. My mind was clearing and I wouldn't think about hurtful things for a long time. I could feel myself smiling honestly around my family. I missed them. More than I realized when I was away, I missed them. And it was good to be back.

At the end of the month, I decided to be brave. I would go online and see how they were doing. Grabbing my chest, I opened the first few articles about them. They had gone on a summer tour. They were now touring the States, moving to Europe in a few days for the last leg of the tour.

His name popped up. I flinched for a second, holding my breath and freezing, but I took control again and exhaled, continuing reading. Apparently, he was singing a brand new song he wrote on each of the shows. I frowned reading that, knowing he wasn't a very good song writer. But people seemed to like it.

Feeling satisfied with my courage for that day, I closed the computer again.

I also tried calling Mindy, but she didn't answer. She was probably really mad at me. I wouldn't blame her. I just left without talking to her. She was probably worried sick for a while. She undoubtedly hated me now.

When my phone rang in the middle of the night, I knew it would have to be from England. None of my friends from Canada would call at such a time. Hoping it was Mindy, I answered it immediately, without seeing the caller ID.

- Hello?

It was not Mindy, but a voice I recognized as well. I pushed the covers over me as we spoke, as to not wake my parents.

- Olivia? How are you? Or better yet, where are you? What happened?

It was Ethan. He was whispering, but still clearly conveying his worry and frustration. It broke the remains of my heart to hear him. I didn't need to be reminded of the six boys I left behind too.

- Hi, Ethan. Are you alone? – my voice was a whisper, both because of the time of the night and the lack of strength.

- Yeah, for now. Look, I don't know what happened, but why did you just left without saying a word? We were all worried sick until Mr. Phillips told us you took a leave!

- I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Ethan.

I was about to cry. There was nothing else I could say.

- It's... crap! – he murmured, to my confusion.