Shadows and Lies

Chapter 4

Thor got up early and went to see Loki. He wanted to see him to make sure he was still there, and to hopefully try and have a normal conversation with him, but his official reason for going was to get more information out of him. Loki had led an attack on Nidavellir, and he'd spent the past three years terrorizing other realms, the People in the palace were starting to question why he wasn't being executed, and the only excuse Thor could think of to give them was that loki had information that they needed. Which was true, loki did have a lot of answers, but Thor's real reason for keeping him alive was because he just couldn't bring himself to kill him. Even if he deserved it.
"What's going on?" Thor asked when he walked in to see the healers getting medical supplies, and Loki looked more disgruntled than before.
"He got out" one of the healers said, clear annoyance in her tone.
"You make it sound like I'm an escaped animal" loki commented, Thor wasn't in the mood for Loki's attitude.
"Loki, shut up" Thor snapped.
"You can chain me up but you can't make me stop talking-" Thor didn't let him finish.
"Quiet or I take you off the pain meds" Thor threatened. Loki didn't openly agree to be quiet, but he didn't start talking again.
"How did he get out?" Thor asked. The healer, who still looked peeved, grabbed Loki's wrist and raised his arm, showing Thor the cast around Loki's thumb.
"He broke it. He broke his own thumb and slipped his hand out of the cuff" the healer said. The tension in the room was pretty high, everyone wanted Loki's head on a stick, but the healers would be especially angry. They actually have to take care of Loki, so when he causes even a small inconvenience it's not unreasonable for them to get angry.
"Alright, is his thumb set? Does he need any more medical attention?" Thor asked. The healer shook her head.
"No, but if he escaped once-" Thor cut her off.
"It's okay, I'll figure it out. You all go, take the day off, I'll take care of this mess. You've all done enough" Thor said kindly. The healers looked more appreciative and they left the room.
Thor Rubbed his forehead and sighed deeply.
"Loki you've been here for a day. One day. Why do you have to cause this much trouble in a single day?" He asked in exasperation. Keeping Loki under control was a near impossible task.
"You have me chained to a bed, you think I won't try to escape?" Loki asked.
"What was the rest of your plan? Even if you aren't chained to a bed, you've still got a split femur" Thor said back, confused and concerned about what Loki was trying to do. Loki was getting irrational, and loki rarely got irrational.
"I don't know, probably nothing, I just wanted out of the restraints" Loki snapped at him. Even though loki still snapped and yelled and tried to seem intimidating, Thor could tell he was tired, hungry, and in a lot of pain, not to mention the very big blow to his ego.
"Why haven't you eaten anything?" Thor asked, sounding less angry and accusing. His ultimate goal is to make Loki realize that they don't have to be enemies, Thor never intended to hurt Loki and he wanted to fight to get his brother back. That wouldn't be possible if it was always a contest to see who could make the last snarky remark.
"I'm not hungry" Loki muttered. It was an obvious lie; there were two full plates of food on the table next to him, so Thor knew he hadn't eaten dinner the night before or breakfast that morning.
"Liar. What's the real reason?" Thor asked him. Loki was silent for a moment, debating whether or not he wanted to be honest. He hated being honest, even if it didn't put him in any direct danger. He just always felt that when he told the truth he was making himself vulnerable; letting people know what he was thinking took away any advantage he had over that person.
"Just leave me alone Thor, I'm uncomfortable enough as it is, I don't need you hovering over me to make it worse" he said, but the edge was leaving his tone. He was still harboring hatred and anger and bitterness, but it was hard to maintain a snappy attitude when he was this worn out and exhausted. He'd never admit it, but everything that took place on Nidavellir left him very weak, and very dependent on the care of other people, so refusing to accept help and acting like he was totally fine was starting to drain him further.
"Well you made me give the healers the day off, so your stuck with me for a while. I'll go get you some food, and you're going to eat it" Thor told him, and then left before he could argue about it. Loki was left to sulk in his misery for a few minutes, but Thor returned quickly with a plate of food that looked and smelled infinitely better than what was offered Loki by the healers.
"Here" Thor said as he put the food next to Loki's bed.
"I said I'm not hungry" Loki snapped.
"Yes you are" Thor said, digging something out of his pocket "but the healers weren't allowed to unchain you, and you don't want to eat with someone's help" Thor told him. He knew it was all just a pride issue, Loki was handcuffed to his bed, The only way to eat would be if someone fed him, which he wouldn't allow, so he'd just starve himself apparently.
"I'll take off the cuff if you ask me to" Thor told him, the key in his hand. Loki looked confused.
"Wh- If you're going to take it off anyway, just take it off. What's the point in me asking?" Loki asked him.
"Because you need to be able to ask for things" Thor said back. He knew it was stupid to act like Loki was a child, but Loki was so proud and arrogant and he really needed to be able to let go of that.
"You want me to ask" Loki's anger seemed to start to boil again "Why? This isn't enough? You haven't humiliated me enough already?! You have to taunt and make me beg?! I spent my entire life trying to impress you and now you want to play these mind games to prove you're more powerful than I am?! I'm not going to beg you for mercy Thor! I'm not-" Thor cut him off.
"Wait wait hold on. What did you just say?" Thor asked, Loki made a comment that caught Thor off guard that bothered him quite a bit. "What do you mean you spent your life trying to impress me? You never tried to impress me, it was always about getting fathers attention. You knew-" this time Loki interrupted.
"I wanted to impress you, I wanted to be you! I wanted you and father and everyone else to recognize that I'm as capable as you are, but none of you ever cared! You and father and your friends always made me feel like anything I did wasn't enough! It was never as good or as spectacular, or as praiseworthy of anything that you did! So if you think I'm going to sit here and beg, and give Into the idea that I'm beneath you then your dead wrong!" Loki shouted angrily, trying to pull forward toward Thor but was stopped by the handcuffs.
Thor held up a hand so Loki would calm down.
"No, I wasn't- that's not what I was trying to do. I don't want to humiliate you. Ever. That's never my intention" Thor told him.
"Well then what were you trying to do? What was the point of that other than to put me down further?" Loki asked him, he was still seething in anger, but he wasn't shouting anymore so he seemed to be simmering down.
"You're injured, you're going to need a lot of help to recover, and I want to know that when you need help you'll ask for it" Thor told him. Loki scoffed a bit in bitter amusement.
"You're not my babysitter Thor, if I need help badly enough I'll ask for it, but until then just leave me alone about it" he snapped. Thor just nodded.
"Alright, sure, I won't do that again" he promised, then went over and unlocked the handcuff, releasing Loki's one hand. Loki looked up at him in confusion.
"What? Why did you do that?" He asked, enjoying the feeling of his hand being free, though his wrist was completely raw by now.
"You need to eat, and you're still bound by your ankles, and you're pretty messed up, so I don't think you'll be going anywhere" he said, handing Loki the plate of food. Loki was dumbfounded, after what he just said and how aggressively he was acting he was a little bit confused as to why Thor was suddenly being nice and understanding.
Loki looked at Thor a little suspiciously, thinking this must be a trick of some kind.
"I can just eat? Just like that?" Loki asked. What was the catch? Loki certainly didn't deserve to be treated this nicely, and- though he'd yell and scream Thor for humiliating him- he knew it.
"Yeah. I'll give you ten minutes to eat" Thor said. He knew he shouldn't be giving Loki any kind of freedom, but Loki's words were still swimming around in his head; how could Loki not know how much Thor admired him? Thor always thought that Loki knew he thought the world of him, but now Loki is saying that Thor was among the people who made him feel inferior? That was the exact opposite of what Thor always wanted, he always wanted to be the one to make Loki feel welcome and equal. Thor always though that he and Frigga were the two people to keep Loki grounded. But apparently it was only Frigga, Thor had failed as badly as Odin. Loki walked around trying to get Thor's attention and Thor never let him know he had it. He felt terrible, especially because there was so much about loki that Thor admired; he envied Loki's ability to think on his toes, even when they were in stressful situations. Thor remembered once they were both captured by an enemy force, they had both been tortured for information, and in the midst of horrible, sickening pain Loki was able to strategize a way out. He was able to talk to the enemy soldiers, Thor didn't know how he did it, but somehow Loki talked them into releasing then and pulling back their forces. It was the single most Impressive thing Thor had ever seen. How did Loki not know how much Thor respected him? Thor didn't look down on Loki, but apparently Loki thought he did.
Thor stayed quiet while Loki ate for a few minutes, then he decided that he had to ask.
"You and I were always really close, how could you not have known that I admired your skills?" Thor finally said. Loki hadn't really been expecting that question. His attitude toward Thor now did contradict his attitude toward him a few years ago; Thor had mostly been kind and appreciative to Loki, but Loki was so taken away by his anger that the moments when Thor was being condescending were the most prominent in his mind.
"You sometimes acted like you appreciated me, but I know it was a lie. I'm a frost giant, you and father were lying to me my entire life" Loki said back, continuing to eat.
"How could I have possibly known Loki? I was two years old when father brought you home, how could I ever-" Loki interrupted him.
"I don't want to discuss it." He snapped "I'm not going to answer those questions" he added. Thor sighed a bit, he knew that Loki wouldn't have a heart-to-heart with him right now.
"Fine. Then answer my questions about Nidavellir" if he couldn't talk about their now very complicated history, he'd make him talk about why he invaded one of Asgard's oldest allies.