Shadows and Lies

Chapter 11

Chapter 11
Katarina left loki alone for a while, but she came back to his room at lunch to see how he was doing.
"Hey, how are you feeling now?" She asked him, sitting down by his bed.
"Not the best" loki said back. "But I've been worse" he added.
"Well you're healing, so that's a good thing, but it takes time. Thor wants to take you outside for a little while so you can get some air, but I have to make sure it's safe for you, so I'm going to test your pain, okay?" She told him. Loki wasn't sure what 'test your pain' meant, but he didn't care, he'd say whatever she wanted to hear.
"Alright, do whatever you want" he told her.
Katarina has loki move his ankle, she felt his ribs, and examined his shin, and his various burns to see how much pain he was still in. She then went to test his split leg, which was the main concern at any given moment.
"I'm going to put some pressure on your leg, tell me how much it hurts" she said, then put a tiny bit of pressure on his leg so he could feel how it would be to walk. Loki tensed a bit but he tried not to let on how badly it hurt.
"On a scale from one to ten, how bad is that?" Katarina asked. Loki shook his head.
"Zero, it's fine" he lied. If she knew his leg was still killing him then she'd make him stay in bed for probably another week, and he wanted out.
"How about now?" She put a little more pressure on him. He tightened his fist.
"Still nothing" he lied again.
Katarina let go of him and gave him a look.
"Loki I can't help you if you aren't honest. Your leg is badly broken, you have to be feeling something" she told him irritably. The first time she could believe it, though it seemed unlikely that he didn't feel anything. But the second time she knew he had to be in at least a little pain.
"I'm telling you I'm fine, so just leave me alone" Loki demanded, and before Katarina could argue, Thor came in.
"How is he?" Thor asked.
"Stubborn and stupid" Katarina responded. Thor just nodded.
"I meant besides that" he clarified.
"He's doing alright. His shoulder is almost back to normal, his ankle is much better, and his burns aren't quite as bad. I'm still worried about his leg though and he refuses to do what I'm telling him to do" she said, going back to test his leg one more time.
"I just need to know so I can tell Thor how careful to be" she explained to Loki. She was putting even more pressure on the break now, He was so suddenly in a lot of pain that he had to stop himself from yelping a little bit. It hurt so badly he restarted to feel dizzy. He decided to be more realistic when his stomach started to tighten and knot up again.
"Okay fine. Three" he said, just to get her to let go of him.
"On a pain scale you mean?" Thor asked, watching this all go on.
"Yes" Katarina let go of him and loki did everything he could to stop himself from being visibly relieved.
"Well Just now he was an eight, not a three" Thor told her. Both Katarina and Loki gave Thor questioning looks. Katarina wasn't expecting Thor to have been able to help her, and Loki didn't understand how Thor was exactly correct.
"Eight? You're sure?" Katarina asked. Loki realized that he was quickly losing what little control he had.
"Wh- no, don't listen to him he's an idiot, he doesn't know what he's talking about" loki told her, getting a little flustered. He didn't like it when people got inside his head and read him so easily, but he wasn't feeling well so it was harder to hide himself.
"It's okay loki" Thor put a hand on his shoulder and looked to Katarina "his jaw is tight, and he was holding his breath, so he had to focus hard on not changing his outward expression. But his fists are clenched, so that means he's in a lot of pain, enough so that he can't totally hide it. He didn't go totally pale, so it could be worse, but he admitted that he was in pain at all, so it had to have been pretty bad. It's bad, but not excruciating, so I'd put him at an eight" Thor told her, leaving loki a bit dumbfounded. Katarina, however, seemed satisfied with that expiration and result.
"I see... well I don't think he should be getting up yet then. His injuries are healing, but they're stills severe" she told Thor.
"Well I already cleared the grounds and won't be able to do that again for a while, so I'll just be careful with him." Thor said.
"Very well. Please then let me know when you bring him back and I'll come to check on him again" she said, getting up to leave.
"I'm sure he'll be looking forward to it" Thor said, walking her to the door. After she left he went back to loki.
"Come on, we've only got an hour and then you're back inside" Thor told Loki, unchaining his foot and then helping him up. Thor was carrying almost all of Loki's  weight as they left the room and went outside.
Loki was still speechless all the way to the courtyard. He didn't find his voice again until Thor sat him down at a table facing the gardens.
Loki took a deep breath of the clean, crisp outside air. After being locked in a windowless room for over a week with people who were watching and hoping that he'd die, that breath of fresh air was abundantly satisfying.
"Feeling better?" Thor asked. Loki had almost forgotten that he was there. He nodded and sat up straighter.
"Yes, a bit" he said back. After his conversation with Katarina earlier, loki was starting to question Thor; did Thor  really know and understand him? Was Thor actually on his side like she was saying? Was he someone Loki could trust again?.
"I wanted to tell you that..." loki started to talk, but he didn't know how to again. He wanted to say something real, and he rarely did that. "I've mentioned a few times that it would've been better if you just killed me on Nidavellir, and though I still think that that wouldn't been the smartest option..... I am- I appreciate you being an idiot and letting me live" loki said. It was hard to be open and honest, but throwing an insult in made it a little easier.
"Where did that come from?" Thor asked, wondering why Loki suddenly felt like being nice.
"Not really sure.... Katarina said some things earlier, made me think I'd try out some honesty" loki told him.
"And? How'd you like it?" Thor asked him, smiling a little bit.
"I didn't love it, so wipe that stupid grin off your face" he snapped. Thor nodded but he still looked pretty pleased, he was making some progress.
They sat in silence for a little while, a secant brought loki some food and, though he still didn't feel like eating, he was starving so he ate it slowly.
After a while loki finally asked a burning question.
"So.... what's your endgame? What are you planing to do with me? I know I've asked before, but... now I'm actually curious" he said genuinely. Thor laughed and shook his head.
"That's uh.... that's the question isn't it? Everyone wants to know that. I wish I knew for sure" he answered.
"What do you mean? Who else is asking?" Loki assumed everyone else knew what was going on.
"The council mostly, but by now even the warriors are starting to question me. I'm trying to keep them satisfied by reminding them that we caught you and you can supply us with information, but that's starting to please them less. They want you executed, I'm doing everything I can to keep them quiet about you" Thor told him, just sort of rambling a bit, he didn't have anyone to talk about his struggles with, and Loki was volunteering an ear.
"Keep them quiet?" Again loki didn't understand, he thought everyone on Asgard knew he was here.
"Yeah. I haven't told the people you're back, I know they'll riot if they learn I'm keeping you here, safe and comfortable and fed. I've sworn everyone in the palace to secrecy, but I get the feeling that promise isn't going to last very much longer. If I can't keep the council quiet and they spill it to the citizens then.... I don't know. I'll either be forced form the throne or forced to execute you. And I don't plan of executing you" loki was speechless. He knew Thor was working hard to take care of him, but there was so much Thor was doing that loki didn't even know about; he'd kept his returned existence a completely secret form the entire realm, that would take an incredible amount of work and convincing. And Thor just said that he'd be dethroned rather than execute loki.
"But... I mean you've been searching for me for years, all this time you've been telling people not to kill me, what's been your plan this whole time? You must've had something in mind right?" Loki questioned, thinking that Thor must have some plan on some level.
"I'm not sure exactly. I think I was hoping that I could bring you home, there was a time when you were my best friend, I think wishful thinking and foolishness let me think I could eventually get that back. Then again, I didnt realize how much you hated me, I thought it was mostly directed at father" he admitted, he was expected loki to laugh in his face and curse him out for trying to manipulate him or something, but Loki's face stayed the same, and maybe even softened slightly.
"Maybe not" Loki said quietly as he took a sip of his water.
"Maybe not what?" Thor asked him. Loki shrugged slightly and put his glass down, hesitating a bit before he spoke.
"Maybe it wasn't wishful thinking and foolishness" he said. He wouldn't admit it now, but all his anger and rage was rooted in pain, being home again made him want to recover from that pain, the idea of being Thor's brother again, of having a home and a family was seeming more and more appealing. But again, he wouldn't admit that even to himself, Not yet.
Thor was overwhelmed with new hope, loki wasn't a lost cause and he was sure of that now.
"Stop looking so happy, I said maybe" loki said back, that bitter edge back in his voice and his face hardening again. But Thor has already seen a glimpse of his little brother returning.
"If that's true, and you want a chance at redemption, there's a few things you're going to have to answer" Thor told him more seriously.
"Like what?" Loki asked, which was reassuring to Thor, he knew he was on very thin ice, so that fact that Loki was even asking what he had to do do earn his life back was a good sign.
"You're going to have to tell me -in completed and unfiltered honesty- why you hate me" Thor knew as well as Loki that Loki's reason for hating Thor so far had been a lie. Loki knew Thor didn't know Loki was a frost giant, loki knew Odin had lied to them both.
But his true reasons for hating Thor were going to be much harder to confess.