Dark Times

XXXVI: Crash

song: Flaws - Daughter

❁

As soon as I woke up I felt the wetness in my face, and I rose in panic, taking a sharp breath as I looked around at the familiar blue room I remembered sharply from when I lived in London with Harry.

Harry.

The mention of his name in my head brought back the memories from the night before, and I felt my lungs give up on me and panic rise within. Harry was killed, Harry was dead. It was as if my heart wanted to crawl out of itself, it was beating so wildly. I got up from the bed in disbelief and felt the most intense pain in my chest that I had ever felt in my life.

And when I did my knees gave out, and a pained scream that surely came out of my soul was heard around the room. I let myself fall on the floor, overwhelmed by everything that was currently hitting me right now.

It hurt so hard I could barely breath. So hard I didn't know what to do.

I sobbed loudly again, trying to get whatever was stuck inside my throat out but the more I cried the tighter it felt. My heart had been destroyed, crumbled and stepped on and it felt like there was a black hole inside me, gnawing at my insides until all I could do was scream.

It's not real, it's not real

The words repeated themselves in my head over and over while I pressed my face inside my knees and sobbed, I didn't even notice someone had come in until I felt arms wrap around me.

I looked up at Louis' bloodshot eyes, and he joined my next sob, I threw my arms around him and he hugged me tightly. "Tell me it's not real, Louis, tell me it's not." I cried loudly, I could barely recognize my voice.

"He's gone, Katerina, he's gone." His body shook with me, and I pulled away, standing up in a fast motion and ignoring the dizziness that overcame me.

I breathed, trying to calm down and walked around the room. Niall and Zayn also ran in, and when I saw them I felt the tears swell up in my eyes again. I tried to breathe but it only forced a sob again.

And I collapsed on the floor again, "I can't, I can't take this I can't, I can't, I don't believe it."

They were with me in an instant, Zayn took me in his arms and brought me to the bed. He was crying too, and so was Niall.

"I'm sorry, Kat. Liam went to get your dad, they're about to take a flight here." Zayn knelt down next to me while I buried my face in a pillow and cried. I wanted to suffocate.

"Leave, I need to be alone, please." I begged, looking up at them.

"We-"

"Please! I-" Sob, "I need to be alone. Leave!" I yelled, and they all backed away, but nodded their heads and left, closing the door behind them.

I got up again, running my hands through my face to wipe the tears before opening the doors to the balcony to a mildly rainy day.

And then I screamed as loud as I could. Putting much into it just so that the pain would cease.

It didn't, and so I crawled back to bed and cried on that pillow again, and again, until I fell back asleep.

When I woke up again it was already nighttime, and I lay there for a while, eyes open while the whole scenario played itself in my head again, over and over. I never thought I could feel this much pain, losing Damien was nothing compared to this.