Is this even real?

juni0r.mp4

Next day

God, if it's not puking for 3 months then it's pissing every hour. Don't get me wrong I'm glad the vomiting stopped, but now I can't even wake up and lay in bed because I have to rush to the bathroom. Today's one of those days, I really don't feel like getting up. Oh, fuck it, I'll just get back to bed after I'm done.

"Morning junior."

Right, I forgot she's here.

"Morning."

"Why did you call me junior?" I came back to bed.

"Like the movie 'Junior' you know? With Arnold Schwarzenegger."

"Never seen it."

"What?! Well, I know what we're watching tonight then."

"Why? What's it about?" I don't understand what so special about it. Do you know what it is?

"It's about a man who gets pregnant."

Because of course that what it's about.

"Darlene you don't need to constantly remind me of what state I'm in. It's apparent enough already."

"What did I say last night?"

"I'm not alienating it, can't you understand this doesn't feel right to me. I don't feel normal okay? It's all I think about, I can't stop thinking about it. I'm constantly reminded of it either because I have to piss all the time or just by my body. And it's only going to get worse." She unnerved me, she just keeps talking about it. I've already got enough reminders for myself.

"It's all you've talked about since you got here. And don't you dare tell me to relax." Maybe that was a little harsh. I shouldn't have snapped like that.

"Elliot, I'm..."

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped at you."

"No, I'm sorry I didn't know this bothered you so much. I need to put myself in your shoes a little more, but Elliot, you can't just act like nothing is happening, this isn't just gonna go away after a while and there's gonna be a baby to look out for after. I want to help you with this but if you won't stop pushing it aside then this isn't going to work."

...

"Elliot, talk to me."

"I'm scared Darlene. I'm alone, I don't know what to do." Shit, I didn't want her to see me cry, why can't I control my emotions. She walked over to me and hugged me.

"Sorry I don't know why I'm crying."

"Don't worry you're gonna be crying a lot more now." She chuckled.

"It's your hormones, they make no sense. At one point you'll probably find yourself crying over a hard drive commercial."

Hah. I guess she's right, this isn't gonna be good.

"And you're not alone, I'm here with you. We have to talk about it, that way it won't be so strange as time goes on. We'll just take it in, one day at a time. So, is my nibling doing well today?"

"Yeah, it's okay."

"Great, I'm gonna go grocery shopping, your fridge is completely empty, how are you still alive? Do you eat anything?"

"I couldn't' keep anything down the first three months, and now I've been so anxious I didn't really eat much of anything."

"That ends today. From now on you can't go a day without having eaten a full meal, you hear me? You should have eaten more you're too skinny."

"Hah, how am I too skinny? I'm literally getting fatter every day. I can't fit into my clothes."

"The baby gains a lot of its weight during the first trimester Elliot, you didn't eat right so it most likely didn't get many nutrients, we're gonna have to try and make up for that."

"God it's not even born and I already fucked it up."

"Hey don't say that! It's not your fault, you didn't know."

Fuck, did I say that out loud? That was meant for you.

"Don't blame yourself for anything Elliot, you didn't know. Focus on the now, it's much more important."

I know she's right but I can"t help dwelling on what I could've done better. If only I had known. Maybe I should do some research on this, I need to know what to expect.

*later*

I can't believe I'm actually watching this, why did I agree to do this? I hope it's the only pregnancy-related movie she's gonna make me watch. We got to a scene where Arnold takes off his sweater and you can see his belly protruding a little, it made me think of mine. I absentmindedly brought a hand to my stomach. Maybe I should touch it more, try to get used to it. It's only gonna get harder to ignore anyway. Watching the movie just made me feel weird. Is that how big I'm gonna get? I hope not.