Is this even real?

th3-sc4re.qt

Early May - 30 weeks

A few days after the check-up Baby flipped upright again, went back to kicking my bladder. I called Layla I didn't know if that was normal. She said not to worry, babies tend to flip back and forth multiple times and that it should be back in position by thirty-four weeks. When Baby flipped back around my first thought was, maybe I can find it's head now. So trying to remember how the Doc showed me I put pressure on different spots on my belly, after a bit of roaming around I felt a hard spherical shape. I found it, It was on my right close to my ribs. Since baby stayed like that for a few days more I would find that spot, and "hold" it's head. About two days ago I felt quite a bit uncomfortable like the first time it flipped then after an hour of crazy movements I felt this big drop that made my knees buckle. I was standing next to the sink brushing my teeth. I held the sink with one hand and brought my other arm under my stomach.

"Hey, you okay?" Darlene rushed to me from the kitchen and helped me stand.

I didn't know how I felt at that moment but I guess shocked is the word that best describes the situation.

"What happened?"

I still hadn't said a word, trying to compose my thoughts. I stood there holding onto her, blinking.

"Elliot say something." She stared right back into my eyes.

I looked down at my stomach, my belly clearly lower than before. I quickly tried feeling Baby's head but it wasn't there.

"It flipped again." I finally chocked out.

"How do you know?"

"I felt it, and its head is not here anymore." I said my hand longing on the spot.

"Here, feel." I took her fingers and pressed on my stomach.

"It's not there anymore, that's its butt and that's its back." I explained to her still mapping it out with her fingers.

"Jeez, it must be heavy since you almost fell to the floor a second ago."

"Surprised me, that's all."

I hope Baby's not planning on turning around yet again, the thought of it not being in the right position kind of scares me. It would require an outside intervention, I'd have to get a c-section, the thought alone makes me shiver. Come to think of it, how will it happen anyway? I haven't thought of this at all, time's running out. I've still got like ten weeks to go, yet I feel like this could be over already. My back hurts, my hips are sore and stretch marks are beginning to form on my belly. There's only a few and they're little, they look like tiny claw marks. I had another appointment this week. We've decided it'll be best if Layla comes to check on me and Baby every two weeks. It happened as usual, aside from the fact that Mr. Robot was there this time. I got weighed, gained another 3 pounds, she said I should keep going like that for another month and my baby will most likely be at a healthy weight when it's born.

"That's great Elliot." Mr. Robot kept talking, I wanted to answer him but with Layla being in the room I chose not to react.

Checked my blood pressure, it's all good. She was kind of surprised when she saw how big Baby got, at first she thought the scan was messed up but turns out this polyhydramnios is going away. Each and every time I see Baby on screen I feel so happy, something seems to finally go right in my life.

"Yes, it is."

Why won't he shut up? Of course like always Darlene had to chime in with something. This time she noticed my stretch marks.

"I'm surprised she still hasn't noticed you waddling."

When will she ever keep her mouth shut? She bought me some cream, said I should keep my skin moisturized. And of course, Layla just agreed with her, adding fuel to the fire. I suppose she is right, maybe I should try some out. Luckily Darlene went out so she won't be like "told you so". It's hard to move around already at this stage so I slowly got up from the chair at my desk and got a jar of moisturizer from the table. I sat back down and lifted up my shirt. I'll admit, my skin is getting pretty dry. I took a glob of cream on my fingers and began spreading it around on my stomach, focusing on the lower part where the marks are starting to form and my bullet scar. Didn't feel particularly great and only made Baby mad which caused it to repeatedly kick me. It sucks, this kid has gotten so strong it hurts whenever it kicks, another reason for this to be over already. And these stupid Braxton Hicks contraction or whatever, they're getting worse too, luckily they're still not regular. I put the lotion away and went back to my computer, recently I've spent my days reading stories of women who went into labor prematurely. It scares me. I know I'm doing everything well now but every time I think of what I did when I didn't know what was going on. I smoked, I did drugs, fuck I mean I almost killed this kid. I don't know what would have happened if Mr. Robot wouldn't have stopped me. Or just the fact alone that I'm a man, I have no idea what can go wrong. I should stop worrying that's bad too.