Is this even real?

unp1e4sant.tc

June - 36 weeks

Thankfully this past month was uneventful, although I did miss a check-up as Layla was out of town and couldn't make it. Having to go a month without seeing Baby kind of kept me on edge, luckily I still have the videos to look at and the very first ultrasound picture still hangs on the fridge. Darlene eventually caught me waddling over to the bathroom, she thought it was cute which was unexpected. I thought she'd tease me about it. But she's a good sport, she gave me a couple more massages when she'd notice I was fretting over something and talk it out with me. I'm feeling Baby less and less which was one of the reasons I stressed but apparently it's just too tight for Baby to comfortably move around.

Over the past few weeks, I've noticed it's been easier to breathe but I kinda feel like there's a bowling ball low in my pelvis, I constantly feel like I have to walk with my legs farther apart, it's weird. I'm at 180 pounds, I feel like a couldn't possibly get bigger even if I tried. Yet I'm definitely smaller than what a woman would be at this point, I don't know how they do it.

I looked up home births since this is gonna happen here I thought I should know what to expect. All there is is a bunch of pictures of women in inflatable pools. Do I have to do this? Is that necessary? All these people in these pictures are so happy, holding their newborns with the biggest of smiles on their faces. The women have an expression of relief, I can't even imagine the pain they went through. You may say I'm about to find out, I don't want to think about it. Don't think about it until it comes, I'll take it went it's here.

I felt a particularly strong fake contraction, they're getting really uncomfortable and all I can think about when they happen is every time I thought I was losing Baby. Sometimes they're that strong I really think it may happen. But Darlene always manages to calm me down.

I'm not really fond of today's appointment, at least not the latter part.

I laid on the mattress, Layla checked Baby's position. She said it dropped which apparently means it settled lower in my pelvis which is probably why I can breathe better and feel something in between my legs, that something being its head.

"Okay, Elliot I know this is unpleasant but I have to do it."

Layla tried to prepare me for what's to come, I don't think anything can.

"You may want Darlene to leave the room because you need to take off your pants and underwear."

"Yeah, I'll just go get some groceries and walk the dog."

With Darlene out of the apartment, I took my pants off and proceeded to remove my underwear. God this is so awkward. I sat back down on the mattress, I couldn't look at her.

"Okay, spread your legs and bend your knees."

I did as she said. I didn't say I word, just looked around the room. I gulped, she probably heard it, the silence is deafening. She put on a pair of disposable gloves and settled between my legs. All I wanted to do was close them but I had to fight the urge. She pushed my balls aside to inspect the orifice, I looked up to the ceiling.

"Well, just like you said, it's just an opening. No other characteristics developed."

Sure just keep drawing this out, make it as long as possible. It's not like this is embarrassing or anything. She put some sort of lube on her glove and stuck two fingers in the hole, I jolted at the sudden entrance. I never consciously felt anything go up in there, what a foreign sensation. I felt her fingers move up and touch me from the inside, though I couldn't tell what she was doing.

"Yep, it definitely dropped I can feel it's head."

"What?!"

"Don't worry, I'm not actually touching it I'm just feeling it through the uterine wall around your cervix."

Fuck, she scared me. Layla removed her fingers and took off her glove. It probably lasted no more than a minute but it felt like forever.

"It's okay, you can get dressed now."

As quickly as I could manage in my state, I put on my boxer briefs and hiked up my pants.

"There is slight effacement with no signs of dilation."

"What does that mean, is that good?"

"Your cervix is getting finner, that's what it means. Basically, you're nowhere close to anything happening, relax we've still got time."

Out of the blue, I remembered all those pictures I looked at earlier.

"Do I need to buy a pool?"

"Excuse me?" She looked at me confused.

"When I looked up home births, a lot of them were women in inflatable pools. Do I need that?"

I don't even know why I asked, it just came out of me.

"No Elliot, that's a water birth, I don't think you'd like that. It is in some instance better but that would involve a lot of breach of personal space to a significant degree. Are you okay with that?"

"No."

"Thought so. You don't need to prepare anything of the sort. You'll be having a natural birth, it'll be just fine."

"Okay."

"I'm gonna head out now." She gathered all her things and left.

I stood in the middle of my apartment, hand on my stomach.

"What am I gonna do with you Baby? You're gonna be here soon and I don't even have any clothes to put on you. Clothes... I don't have anything for you. I just realized. I'm so unprepared for this. What do I even need?"

I made my way over to a chair, I can't really stand for too long anymore.

"I'd say a crib would be a good way to start."

I looked up, Mr. Robot sat across from me.

"You need bottles, diapers, dummies the list goes on."

"Where do I even get all that?"

"The store Elliot, they have stores for that. Gosh, your mother was the same, she'd forget such simple things and blame it on her 'pregnancy brain'."

"Right."

"You better make a list or else you'll forget."

He smiled at me. I heard the door open and Darlene walked in with a fresh hot pizza. Flipper jumping at my feet.

"Cowabunga dude, it's pizza time Elliot."

I just looked at her, stayed silent.

"Hey, talk to me. What happened?" She sat next to me where Mr. Robot just was, he disappeared again.

"I was thinking how we've got nothing for Baby. No crib, no clothes no nothing." I stared blankly at her.

"It's okay, we've still got a month to go. We'll get all that's needed. Now come on I'm sure you're hungry."

She tried enthusing me. I won't lie, I was hungry. Once she opened the box and I took in the sight of it as well as the smell I got even hungrier.

About an hour later and three-quarters of the pizza was gone I barely ate the two slices I had, I can't eat much nowadays.

"What's up? Usually, it's you who eats more than me."

"I can't fit anymore or I'll puke. With all my organs squished like they are, there are not many things, I do like I used to if you haven't noticed. I don't really recommend it, not to say you shouldn't have kids. I want a nephew or niece too, you know?"

"Yeah, sure, maybe in the future. I'm not planning on it now."

"Neither was I."

Our previously happy mood went sour.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bring it up." I blamed myself.

"No Elliot, I know it's hard for you. I can't possibly imagine all the thoughts that have gone through your head since you found out. Remember, no matter how bad they get please don't blame yourself, you did nothing wrong and you're getting a beautiful baby out of it."

"Yeah, sure uh... I'm tired I'm... gonna head to bed."