Is this even real?

3m0ti0ns.ksd

Early July - 38 weeks

Baby can come any day now, this is crazy. To think that in less than two weeks there's gonna be a little human here. I little person that I'll have to take care of. Never thought of myself as a father, I never thought I'd have kids. I'll do my best to take care of this kid no matter what. Since I'm not taking a step out of the apartment these days, Darlene went clothes shopping for Baby. She mainly bought unisex one-piece pajamas since for now, it's just Baby. I took a look at them, never realized how small newborns are. And the little socks? They barely fit two of my fingers, it's crazy.

"Hey Baby, you're finally gonna get out of there soon. Can't wait to meet you. I can feel you squirmin' around, you probably wanna get out as quickly as you can too huh?"

At least it's doesn't kick me anymore, it can't, there's not enough space. It hurt quite a bit, I'm slightly relieved I don't have to endure that anymore. One thing I did notice about all of this is, the farther along you are the grosser it gets. I've been getting this discharge in my underwear in the past few days. It's like pinkish and there's blood in it, kinda scary to be honest. I haven't told Darlene about it, it's not like I have to tell her every detail. Although I think I have to mention it to Layla. I get a feeling it may mean something.

"Elliot when are you gonna order the crib? You were supposed to do it two days ago?"

"I forgot."

"I can see that. You better get on it or it'll be here late."

We looked for cribs online in the Manhattan area so that Darlene could go get it but the closest store was out of stock. We had to wait for a little for them to restock and then I'd order it and she'll go get it but I forgot, I should get on it. I can't stop thinking about the fact that it's so close. I've waited for months, it feels surreal. A terrifying thought. God of all people it had to be me. I had to wind up the goddamned hermaphrodite. Fuck.

"Don't take this the wrong way Baby, I love you but this world has a crude sense o humor. I don't even see the humor in this, to be honest, don't know why I said that. Forget about it."

"Elliot, stop it, enjoy your last moments of loneliness because they'll be gone in no time."

Little does she know I haven't been alone for a while now. Isn't that right Friend? You get me, don't you? Well, now there'll be three of us.

"Don't you mean four?"

Of course, Mr. Robot had to show up now.

"You, me, your imaginary friend and the kid. That makes four right?"

"What are you doing here anyway?"

"What?" Darlene thinks I'm addressing her.

"You didn't forget about me did you, Elliot? How could you?"

"You're not a part of this, in fact, this is all because of you."

"You said you don't blame me."

"I don't."

"Are you hearing yourself, you're not making sense."

"Shut up."

"Elliot, what is going on? Is he here?"

"Oh I see, it's one of your mood swings in full force huh?"

I put the palms of my hands over my eyes, moved them and tugged at my hair frustrated.

"What do you want?"

"Nothing, I'm just hanging around as I've been for the past six months. Can't I keep an eye on my son?"

"You're not my father you're a ghost."