Free yet trapped

Chapter 11: Shattered

So... some chapters from here on wards might be a bit too explicit on violet, sexual or psychological scenes. This is one of those chapters. You've been warned. Read at your own risk.

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    Cat:

What are you doing?

Why are you doing this?

He can't love you! He can't know you love him! Lord, why this? Why now? I thought I was over him, I should had been three months ago. And now you're just giving him false hopes. You're just giving yourself false hopes!

All of this because of his stupid smile, and his stupid face, and his stupid kindness. I should had known better, I shouldn't had trusted him, even if I knew him from before everything started, I shouldn't had been stupid enough to think someone could genuinely be that kind.

He just wants to use me.

No, Oscar is not like that. But what other choice do I have? I need to get rid of him. I can't let him have the same fate his siblings had, so I need to learn how to hate him, but how can you hate a person so flawless? So kind, so innocent...so perfect.

I look at the shattered mirror in front of me as I lean in the sink. I look at the shattered reflection that's looking back at me. Yeah, shattered is right. It describes everything. And I can't let these shattered pieces of me near Oscar again. Sure he will try to fix me but in doing so he'll just break himself.

I punch the mirror, causing a few pieces to fall, I look down at those shards and see some of them stained in blood. I look at my fist to find it bleeding from shallow cuts. I observe as it takes mere seconds to heal and close all the cuts. I hate this, I'm free now and I can't even have a normal life.

I've never had a normal life, but they destroyed everything seven years ago. They declared a war, one we couldn't win. And that was the end of our village, of my family, of my life.

After that, those of us who were captured were experimented on. That's why nothing can hurt me. Cuts, poison, even bullets don't have an impact on me. In minutes I can recover from any injury, as long as it doesn't affect any of my vital organs, but even those can regenerate easily, and you would have to penetrate a bullet prove rib cage to reach them.

I walk out of the bathroom and into the corridor. I see the pictures of the family that previously lived here. Stupid humans. I take one of the photos and throw it against the door as I scream at the top of my lungs. I'm lucky the walls are sound prove, Oscar wouldn't like this.

I bury my claws in the wall and scratch it as deep as I can. I feel the tendons of my claws tear as I cut the pipes inside the wall. It doesn't bother me, my paws will recover shortly, and the pipes are empty, water hasn't run through them in more than a hundred years, since this building was first evacuated, probably when the first wars of genetics started. Stupid wars.

I breath heavily, my paws dripping with blood as I study the damage I made, it's not enough to calm my anger. So I take my arm and with the claw of my thumb I cut my skin and muscle, layer by layer until I reach the thing I'm supposed to call bone. The two blue metal sticks that have been inside of me for the past five years, just like the rest of me, all metal, all fake.

I look at the wall, then back at my arm, and I realize of what I've just done. Stupid me. I let go of my arm and walk into the bathroom. It will heal in minutes, but it won't hurt to help. I wash it with a bucket of water we all keep in our respective flats and cover it with a band aid. I don't really need it but it will help me forget what I did.

Whenever I did this back at the room April always helped me. Now all I have is Oscar, and I can't let him see me like this.

"It's not my fault I'm like this. It's not my fault I'm like this", I keep repeating it out loud as if it were going to help me. I go to my bed and by the time I sit, all my anger has turned into tears. I cry, unaware of the reason why, sobbing as quiet as I can manage, falling asleep in my own tears, in my on desperation.