innocence → sicheng ✔

eleven

I wish I could say that I slept peacefully last night. I wish I could say, no, I didn't cry myself to sleep. Sadly, that would be lying and ma' didn't raise a liar. I woke up with a pounding head, feeling like it would explode some time soon. Si Cheng had hurt my pride though I couldn't blame him, I was the one who got my hopes up.

As I thought more and more about the idea that I wasn't actually liked by anyone in my school, my university in fact, not even Si Cheng I started to think down on myself. 

I'm fat, I'm ugly, no one will ever love me. 

I couldn't blame Si Cheng for being into Huang Ma'Yu. She's definitely pretty, she's likable, she has the cutest laugh, and the list goes on. But me? I'm just me. There's nothing redeeming about me and I was wrong to think anyone would like me. 

So when my roommate came in happily, jumping up and down and blabbing on about how happy she was that she had Si Cheng had confessed to her I have her a sad smile that I couldn't cover up and congratulated her. I told her that they were perfect together and I told myself I had no reason to feel things pulling at my heart strings. 

It was a simple one night stand with a drunk boy, who was too pure and too innocent in actuality to have a crush on a girl like me. I'm a mess, a disaster, and a disgrace. 

Si Cheng deserves better.