Everything Wrong With: Hogwarts School of Prayer and Miracles

Chapter 11: A Challenge!

Another thing that I have gotten many messages about-the Slytherins. People are saying that, somehow, this means I hate Catholics.

This author surely does hate catholics. *Ding!*

Friends-I do not hate Catholics at all! All I want is for Catholics and everybody else to go to heaven and be happy with God!

Sure. And I don't hate gay people - I just want them to not be gay! That's how it works, right? *Ding!*

It seems like a certain someone doesn't know much about the Bible or the Constitution! And what about there only being one God, and no others? So, if any Catholics are reading this..... I am asking you this in love..... consider which is more important: your so-called religion, or the Truth?

And what is this. Two groups with differing interpretations on a well-known book, both claiming theirs to be the ultimate truth and the other one to be a lie? Sounds like an early version of a fandom war. *Ding!*

Harry gritted his teeth. He had had enough of this! So-called feminists these days call everything sexist. A man respecting his woman and providing for her and giving her the children and home that she truly desires is called woman-hating! Such silliness can make us forget what real sexism looks like. The truth is-women are just as smart as men; and God made us as their equals; but equal does not mean the same.

Ehh, I get where this is coming from, I really do. Because yes, there are differences between men and women, which feminists make a point of ignoring. But here's the thing: they are relatively minor, especially in prepubescent kids. And while it does of course mean that gender makes people more likely to be good at certain tasks than others, the truth is that we have more in common than what divides us. Knowing we are that little bit different is not enough to justify a system of fully Victorian gender roles, because both women and men have found that to be limiting.

And yes, I know it's often been the tradition for men to break their back working for the family while women do all the housework – I get that. But consider this: if this many people have a problem with the tradition, then maybe it's the tradition that needs to change, not the people. *Ding!*

Mr. Snape looked over in their direction and he saw the commotion that was going on at that moment. He was dressed very dapperly today in a freshly pressed dress shirt and practical pants that complimented his long, muscular legs perfectly.

Muscular legs are so out of character for Snape, it is unreal. *Ding!*

Above the top button of his shirt a hint of the thick carpet underneath was visible. He carried with him a big, heavy, King James Version of the Bible as he sauntered across the cafeteria.

Y'now, the King James Bible is overrated. THERE I SAID IT. *Ding!*

"What exactly is going on here?" he questioned, folding his arms over his chest.

"Nothing," Draco muttered in the embarrassed voice of one who knows he has done wrong, but Harry boldly and honestly retorted, "Draco was being a bully to the ladies!"

With a gasp, Greg covered his mouth with his delicate, long-fingered hands. 

Wait! Who the f*ck is Greg? There has been NO MENTION of him until now. I presume the author means Gregory Goyle? But the thing is: none of the readers know who he is yet, and this line is written as if we somehow already know. I mean, yes, we have all read the Harry Potter books anyway, but this fic is not for us. Need I remind you, it is written for kids who've never read (and aren't allowed to read) the canon books. So why in God's heaven is it relying on information that can only be found in those books? *Ding!*

Unless of course the author of this story isn't really a Christian, and the story was designed to be satire from the outset. I am leaning very strongly towards this theory. *Ding!*

But do you know what? Even if that was true, it's like the author/satirist behind this didn't even try to cover it up. That's just lazy. I mean, it would have been SO EASY to drop in a line or two to explain who Gregory is, and this whole mistake could have been avoided. But noooo! *Ding!*

"I'll get you for this, Potter! Tonight, after dinner, in the courtyard-we will have a pray-off!"

Pray-off? Is that like a dance-off, but for prayers? Because there's no such thing! Believe me – I googled it. The only thing information I could find on "pray-off" was a game played in The Simpsons, specifically by the Flanders kids in the 25th issue of Bart Simpson comics. And I'm also pretty sure it was meant there as a joke – y'know, to make fun of how religious they are?  *Ding!*

To me, this proves beyond all reasonable doubt that Hogwarts School of Prayer and Miracles is satirical, or at least written by someone who doesn't believe in its message. Do I think it's a bad story because it's written for satire? Not necessarily. But anyone who sincerely believed it was real... is probably feeling very stupid right now. *Ding!*

Story Sin Counter:

1224