Author's Note: Hello, friends! Sorry this chapter took so long to post; but-the instructor of my new writing class was kind enough to proof-read it-I didn't take all of his suggestions, but I liked most of them-and I hope the wait was worth it!
This is why you should never apologize. It just sets a precedent for you having to do it all the time. Take StorySins for example. I sometimes go months, or years between updates, without so much of a hint at an apology, and no one feels entitled to one. It's a win-win! *Ding!*
Oh, another thing-a few good-intentioned (but misguided!) readers have expressed "concern" about my asking my husband's permission to take a class. Friends: it is not long ago that I would have thought the same thing. Culture told me that wifely submission was demeaning; and I believed it!
Not saying there aren't women who are like this (though the ones that are probably wouldn't refer to it as "submission"). I'm just saying I think this one is faking. These personal segments are a web of lies. *Ding!*
"Pleased to meet you," Dean Thomas said intelligently.
HOW EXACTLY DOES ONE EXPRESS THEIR INTELLIGENCE IN THE WAY THEY SAY "Pleased to meet you"? This story makes NO SENSE. Adverbs are like fingers on a chalkboard to me now. Just make it stop! *Ding!*
Ronald looked up sheepishly from where he stood behind the trio. He could sense that Hagrid was truly a man of the Lord, in a way that no one in his family—or perhaps the entire Slytherin Hat—was. To be in the presence of such piety was humbling for a little one such as this.
Strawman liberal Christian is strawman. *Ding!*
Also, head-hopping! *Ding!*
The inside of Hagrid's house was tastefully decorated. The curtains were plaid, the walls were wood, and a bear rug covered the floor in front of the fireplace. Mounted above the mantelpiece, in a place of pride for all to see, was a moose's head. The oaken table in the center of the kitchen was set for five, and the kettle on the stove was just starting to sing.
Yet another sign that this story is set on the wrong side of the Atlantic. They have deer in the UK, but not mooses. Meese? Meeses? I can never think of how to correctly pluralize it. *Ding!*
"This is a nice place you have," Harry commented.
"It really is," Dean Thomas said intelligently.
Truly some dialog for the ages here. *Ding!*
Also, repetition of intelligently. *Ding!*
"Would you look at that," Dean Thomas murmured observantly, picking up the paper and scanning it. As he read, he whispered the article's terrible words: "Voldemort was spotted by several students yesterday at Hogwarts School of Prayer and Miracles. This is the man who is trying to put a bill through congress to stop Christians from practicing their beliefs. If passed, homeschooling will be illegal.
Given the number of liberal parents who also want to homeschool their kids for various reasons, the chances of this happening – even if all the strawman liberals got their way – are basically zero. *Ding!*
Christians will be put in jail—maybe even killed—unless they say the Bible says what Voldemort wants it to say. Saying "Merry Christmas!" or hanging up the Ten Commandments will put you in a "re-education program"."
For Christ's sake, they don't even do this in Middle Eastern dictatorships where Christians ARE an oppressed minority. What the hell is this author trying to prove? *Ding!*
This story's so bad, it's making me blaspheme, which is a literal sin. *Ding!*
When Dean Thomas was finished, Hermione burst into tears. Harry gave her hair an innocent, friendly pat.
Hey, if the universe I lived in was this badly written, I'd cry too. *Ding!*
Story Sin Counter:
1213
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Everything Wrong With: Hogwarts School of Prayer and Miracles
CasualeI've had several requests to sin this monstrosity of a book. Considered by many to be the polar opposite of legendary trollfic My Immortal, only this one is (supposedly) written by a Christian mother in an attempt to sanitize the Potterverse for her...
