💫She's Different💫

Worries For Bella

"Mommy?"
"Mhm?"
"Why you wear deodorant?"
"I wear it so that my sweat won't smell stinky. But there's also deodorant that makes you not sweat at all." I said while walking down the aisle.
"Can I have deodorant?"
"Do your armpits sweat?"
"No. My forehead does when I play tag sometimes." She laughed and held onto the cart.
"Why do you want deodorant then?"
"Because you have it." She said matter of factly.
"We'll come back to get you some in a little while."
"Mkay." Sometimes when it comes to Bella I worry if I'm doing what's right for her. Sometimes I worry about me being there for those special moments that are soon to come. Will Bella feel comfortable talking to me about things as she comes into her own? I stopped the cart and looked to my left.
"Bella?"
"Yeah?"
"If something ever happened you'd tell mommy right?"
"Yeah. Bad thing or good thing Mommy?"
"Both." She nodded her head and then looked at the candies.
"We should get Noah some gummies."
****
Aunty Amanda's (Bella's Perspective)
I didn't feel like playing with Jesse so I just sat down quietly.
"What's wrong Bell?"
"Nothing, I just don't wanna play." I played with my mommy's hands.
"You wanna Sit on my lap?"
"Yes!" She put me on her lap and then she talked to Aunty Amanda again.
"Do you know the baby's gender?"
"I'd prefer to wait until it's born."
"I see."
"When are you having the baby?"
"Soon."
"If the baby is a boy can you name it Noah?"
"She isn't gonna do that Noah!"
"I'll think about it. Come here Jesse."
"I wanna play dolls with Bella." My mommy looked at me and I think she was trying to say I had to.
"Sure. What game do you wanna play?"
"House."
"Okay go get the dollies and I'll play it with you."
****
My Bedroom (Olivia's Perspective)
"Mommy Aunty Amanda's having the baby soon right?"
"Yes sweet pea."
"You said she drank a potion. So then where does the baby come out?" She asked curiously.
"Where does it come out mommy?"
"You wanna know?"
"Yeah!
"A stork comes down and brings the baby. If it's a boy they'll bring it in a blue blanket, and if it's a girl it'll be pink."
"That's so cool!"
"Yeah, it is isn't it?"
"Mommy where are you taking us?"
"To Long Island sweet pea."
"Why?"
"Because."
"We go to Long Island almost every week!" She whined.
"Because- when you stay in the city you're on your screens too much for my liking."
"But we can't even do anything!"
"Yes you can, you guys can play outside on the trampoline."
"That's stupid."
"Excuse me?!" I've become increasing worried about her these days because she's been extremely rude and testy out of nowhere. I got down on my knee and looked her in the eyes.
"We don't say those words in this house. Do you understand?"
"Hmph."
"Do you understand?!"
"Yes."
"Do you even know how grateful you are to have two homes? You should be happy to go!"
"I don't wanna!"
"Bella!" She started having this huge fit on the floor where she was punching and kicking.
"What's going on with you? Sweet pea? Talk to me." I sat down on the floor and watched as she kicked up.
"Mommy's going to wait until Bella is calm." She started to calm down as she went from soft kicking to lying flat on the floor.
"Are you calm?"
"Yes."
"Why are you so angry?"
"Cause I don't want to go to Long Island."
"But Bella can't always make the choices can she?"
"No." I sat her in my lap and took a deep breath.
"Why have you been so angry with everyone lately?"
"Because I'm angry sometimes."
"Do you wanna talk about it?"
"Only this much." She showed a small amount on her fingers and sniffled.
"You gotta talk to somebody when you're upset. Did you tell your therapist?"
"I didn't want to tell her."
"Oh okay."
"Mommy, I'm so angry at my Dad!"
"Why?"
"Because like why is he here! I don't want him here! And then you bring him to my gym and it was so, so embarrassing! Don't ever do that again!" She cried.
"Don't ever!"
"Did something happen at the gym?!"
"People keep asking me questions and I don't know how to answer them! It makes me really sad."
"I'm sorry sweetheart. I thought you said you were okay with him being there?"
"No I didn't. I didn't want him there, you weren't even paying attention to me."
"Oh my goodness. I'm so sorry, I'm sorry." I gave her a big hug as she sniffled continuously.
"I didn't know you didn't feel comfortable with him there. Is this why you've been so angry lately?"
"Yes."
********
Since it was too cold to go out onto the hammock I went into the small room that Bella claims as her own. I gave her a big kiss as she was still waking up from her slumber.
"Morning honey." She stretched and blinked curiously. I gave her a warm smile and she  nuzzled my chest.
"Still tired Baby?" She nodded and closed her eyes.
"Noah."
"He's sleeping."
"Mommy."
Yes?"
"I love you."
"I love you too." I gave her another kiss and she smiled.
"I can't wait till I'm big girl. Mommy you still love me even when I'm big?"
"Of course!"
"Aren't I gonna be super taller than you one day?"
"Maybe."
"I wish I could be super taller now!"
*****
"What is your sister doing out there?"
"Screaming."
"Why is She screaming? This girl."
"I don't know, now she's laughing mommy. Look at her!" I looked over to see Bella playing in the leaves all by herself.
"She's always doing something crazy. Call her in for me sweet boy."
"Bella! Mommy said come inside."
"Okay!" She hopped inside while giggling.
"What were you doing?"
"Playing! Mommy?"
"Mhm."
"Can I go to someone's house to play?"
"Who's?" I looked at her seriously.
"Jake's......"
"I'll think about it."
"But mommy please!"
"I'll think about it. Eat your lunch please." She sighed and ate her carrots quietly.
"Leave me alone Noah!"
"Bella no yelling. Remember what we talked about?"
"He's making faces!"
"No I'm not."
"Yes you are!"
"If you yell one more time you're going in the corner."
"Hmph." Why do you have to be so irritable these days? I just want my calm Bella back. Not this constantly angry one.