💫She's Different💫

Bella's Bad Habit Reappears

August 17th
School starts September 5th and I couldn't be more excited to go to school and be with all of my friends. I like summer, but I like my friends as well.
"Bella, let's go out to the hammock." Mommy said with a smile. When she says to go out to the hammock it usually means we're gonna have a private talk.
"Okay, let me just grab a snack first." I took a fruit snack and when into the backyard. She finally got a hammock for our city home after I begged for like ever. Noah was at a friends house playing video games.
"So, how do you think our vacation was?"
"I think it was good. I liked spending time with you and Noah."
"I'm glad you enjoyed yourself. I wanted to ask if you wanted to talk to me about anything."
"Well, yeah. But I feel a bit embarrassed to say anything about it yet."
"Can you at least tell me what it's about? Maybe I can guess what it is." I shook my head and then buried it into her chest.
"Hey, what's wrong?!" She grabbed me and held me tightly. I wasn't crying, just embarrassed.
"I'm such a coward."
"Don't say that about yourself. You're anything but a coward. How come you haven't written me back?"
"Because I didn't want to answer that question you asked me. You'll get upset with me." I got up and walked away from my mother as she called for me to come back.
*********
Gymnastics
"Great job Bella!" I've been a little down this week, but gymnastics makes me happy. My therapist tells me to channel my negative energy into something positive like gymnastics and it really helps.
"Thanks Coach."
"How do you feel about competing? I remember the last time we spoke you were on the fence about it."
"I kind of want to, kind of don't. I'll talk to my Mom about it though."
"Alright, that's a start. You've been becoming a bit mature I see."
"Everyone says it and I don't get why. I'm the same person." She chuckled and gave me a pat on the back.
"You'll see what we mean. Have a great afternoon Bella."
"You too Coach!" I was off to therapy now because I had Mommy call the therapist and see if I could come. Some things are just better to tell other people, especially when it's a topic like this. I changed quickly, all I did was slide on a skirt and put on a top. Lucy was waiting for me and we took the 4 train to the office.
"Hey Bella!"
"Hey Mrs.Caron." My therapist got married a couple of weeks ago so she has a different name now. I like teasing her about it because it's so funny. Ca-ron.
"How come you wanted to come to therapy so suddenly?"
"I've been a bit off. And I don't feel like telling Mommy about it." I started to tear up. She handed me a tissue and I blew my nose.
"Why have you been a bit off Bella?"
"I said I'd come here to talk about it but I can't say it! I don't want to talk about it right now. I just don't want to."
***********
Bella's Bedroom (Amanda's Perspective)
"Hey sweetie."
"Hi Aunty.." I gave her a hug and a kiss. She resisted a little and looked down at the ground.
"How are you doing?"
"I'm doing okay." I sat on her bed and saw her cute little setup. She had crayons and a coloring book, alongside her iPad playing music.
"How come you didn't come downstairs and say Hi to Liv?"
"I can't answer that Aunty."
"Why can't you?" She started to cry and I watched as she started pacing back and forth.
"Bella, talk to me."
"No! Go away!" She ran out of her room and downstairs.
"Bella, what's the matter?!" Liv said.
"Just go away." I came downstairs to see Liv in a state of confusion.
"I don't know what's going on, she won't tell me anything. I try to touch her and she gets upset. I can't even get a hug from my daughter."
"She acted a certain way when I gave her a hug just now."
"Something's making her uncomfortable, but I don't know what it is."
*********
The Basement (Olivia's Perspective)
I opened the door and went downstairs. I heard my daughter sniffling and the TV was playing Charlie Brown.
"Bella?" I closed it silently and walked towards her.
"And happiness is anyone and anything at all." Bella mumbled sadly. She cried harder and I hugged her.
"Stop.." She said quietly.
"I don't want any hugs Mommy. It doesn't help."
"What's the problem Bella? Because it looks like you have a problem with female adults and I'm not understanding why." She got up and I sat her back down.
"We're not starting these bad habits again, you've been doing amazing explaining your emotions. Let's not go back there."
"It's too embarrassing, and you're going to think I'm crazy. It's just too uncomfortable."
"Is this about the secret?"
"No, I don't even really think about it anymore. It has nothing to do with that."
"Is about what we talked about?"
"What do you mean?" I sat slightly closer to my daughter and I put my arm around her.
"When we talked about becoming a young lady and the changes that happen." I went quiet for a moment and Bella hugged me.
"Did something happen?" She didn't answer and I repeatedly kissed her forehead and stared at the tv.
"If something did happen, it's nothing to be embarrassed about. It means that you're a perfectly normal girl. And if something happened it's good to tell me so that I could help you, and explain some things to you. I'm supposed to be the person you tell so we can celebrate these changes. Understand?"
"Yes, but nothing happened."
"You know what, I'm going to give you the space and not push you into talking about whatever your problem is. When you're ready to talk we can, okay?"
"Okay Mom."
"Good girl. Have I told you that you're such a good girl?"
"Yes, a lot. In many different ways." She smiled and watched the tv.
***********
A Week Later (Bella's Perspective)
Kylie and I took the elevator that she has in her house up to the top floor. It was really cool!
"What are we gonna do?"
"How about we just talk?"
"Okay." This week has been pretty good. I went to lots of friends houses this week. Maybe it's because Mommy feels bad that she didn't take me to my orientation.
"I'm kinda annoyed about our class." Kylie said while drinking from her juice box.
"Me too."
"We're the only ones in there, the rest of our friends are in 4b."
"Noah said it's probably because we did better on the state test."
"So there's a smart class and a dumb class?!" We laughed and I licked my lollipop.
"Well, I guess. But there's nicer ways to say it." I said while laughing.
"Well I wish we weren't so smart."
"Being smart isn't a bad thing."
"Well, it is when we're with a whole bunch of new kids."
"Yeah... we've never really talked to them before."
"Well, I heard that a new girl and boy are coming. Maybe we could be their friends?"
"I guess. If they're nice."
"Hey, wanna go play soccer out back?"
"Duh! Let's go!" We took the elevator down to the first floor and grabbed a soccer ball.
"Soccer is cool." I kicked the ball towards Kylie and she kicked it back.
"It won't be anymore after I win."
"Not letting that happen Ky-Ky!" I giggled and continued to play the game seriously.
"Yes!" I laughed again and blocked the ball. I think I really like soccer!