💫She's Different💫

Bella's Acquired Feelings

Parent Teacher Conference (Bella's Perspective)
"Bella's a bright girl and a wonderful addition to our class, but before concluding I have some concerns to address."
"What are they?"
"Bella tends to isolate herself sometimes and it's a bit concerning. Has Bella always been like this? Is there something going on?"
"Oh the isolation, she like to be by herself sometimes. Right Bella?"
"I don't like the loud classroom sometimes. Sometimes I want to think."
"Think about what Bella?"
"About the house mommy. Or about other things. Can we talk about it in private?"
"Of course."
"So Bella has been through something traumatic I'm guessing."
"She has actually, I forgot to mention that. My apologies."
"Don't worry, I was a counselor before I was a teacher. I deal with Bella a lot differently because I can tell something had happened."
"But it's kind of private." Mommy nodded and I leaned on her and played with her hands.
"My second concern is that Bella tends to shut down every once and a while when she's upset."
"Is this true?"
"It is. I always shut down, it's a bad thing. My therapist said I need to stop but I can't help it sometimes. When I don't feel like talking about something with someone I shut down."
"At least you're being honest about it. I'm proud of you for that."
"Thanks, I guess."
********
Driving To Long Island
"Mom, how come it's just me and you going to the house?"
"Because I want to spend some time with you alone."
"Okay. Mommy, when we get to the house can I talk to you about something?"
"Of course." I turned on my iPad and texted my mom.
"What do you keep sending me emojis?!"
"Because I love you." Mommy smiled as she pulled over to the gas station. Mommy put gas in the car and I picked up my blanket so I could lay down.
"Tired?"
"Nope. I wish we were there already. I have things to do. Private things."
"I see. I thought we were best friends. Remember?"
"Yeah. You are, mommies are supposed to be best friends with their girl kids right?"
"Yeah, they should. And that means that they can tell mommy anything right?"
"Yeah, but it's kind of weird."
"How so?"
"Because, you're an adult. Sometimes it's weird to tell adult things. You might even get in trouble."
******
My Room (Olivia's Perspective)
I put my arm around my favorite girl as she munched an apple dipped in peanut butter.
"What did you want to talk about love?"
"In school yesterday my friends were playing a game that made me feel a bit uncomfortable."
"What game?"
"Truth or dare. They told me I had to kiss Isaiah. But that's yucky."
"Did you do it?!"
"Mommy..." Bella tensed up and didn't reply.
"Did you?"
"I did not."
"Bella. Are you telling me the truth?"
"Yes Mom. But, I mean-"
"What? What is it?" Her face turned red and she covered her mouth. Awww. Somebody's experiencing kiddie love. I grew a smile and took my glasses off.
"You think he's a pretty boy?"
"A little bit." Now, I did feel slightly protective of Bella in this moment, but I realized that being like my mother really wasn't appropriate for this situation, I wanted Bella to feel comfortable telling me things and if I showed some type of overprotection it might scare her away.
"You know Bella, it's okay to think that someone is nice looking. It's nothing to be embarrassed of or to hide from Mommy, okay?"
"Okay." She nodded and munched on another slice.
"Do you just think he's pretty?"
"Yeah. I just think he's pretty. He has nice hair like yours." She patted my head and giggled.
"That's it?"
"Yeah!" Maybe this is one of her phases and it isn't something serious. I felt a sense of relief knowing that it wasn't something serious. But in a few short years I'd be dealing with major crushes. And that is one of my fears when it comes to my little girl. I'm now staring to understand some of the things my mother felt when I started to acquire feelings for others, but I didn't react in the insanely abusive way she did.
"Give Mommy a hug!"
"Hugs!"
"I'm glad you talked to me, you're becoming such a big girl. I've been so proud of you! I just want you to know that." She smiled and got up from my embrace. She went over to my drawer and went into it and took out one of my old shirts.
"What are you planning on doing missy?"
"Wearing it. I like this one Mommy."
"It's way too big for you my love."
"But I wanna sleep in it. It smells like that soap you always use." My daughter is too precious for this world!
"I thought you wanted to go out for dinner."
"I do." She sat next to me while holding the shirt.
"We have to go meet someone for dinner, so let's gets dressed, and you can wear the shirt for bed. How does that sound?"
"It's fair."
"Good, let's go shower."
"You going first?" I looked at the time before answering.
"Let's go together so we can save time."
*******
"You're absolutely beautiful." I turned her towards the mirror and she smiled.
"I love it!" I've been getting better at handling Bella's hair, and I've managed to do several different hairstyles and it's been so much fun!
"I'm glad you love it. Now let's get our shoes on so we can go!"
"Can I bring my American girl doll?"
"Sure." She slid her flats on herself and then the doll.
"Alright let's go!" She turned off the lights and then went downstairs to the garage. Majority of the lights were off in the house so all I had to do was turn the alarms on.
"Mommy! Can you come down here please?"
"What is it sweet pea?"
"My stomach is hurting me." She cried. I went down the stairs and Bella was standing there sadly.
"It hurts. Right here!" She pointed at her belly button and then looked up.
"Did you use the bathroom?"
"I tried that before I told you."
"Okay let's have some Motrin, it'll make the pain go away. Open." She took the medication eagerly.
"Now let's go for real. Remember, if you feel worse you tell me, and if you feel uncomfortable you can tell me by whispering in my ear like we do. Understand?"
"Yes."
*******
Dinner (Bella's Perspective)
One of my Mom's friends came out to dinner, and he was there for a little bit but he had to go.
"Bye Mr.Munch! Thank you for the present!"
"You're welcome. Liv, hang in there tell Noah I said hi."
"Alright, Bye Munch!" They did that weird kiss thingy that adults do and then he gave me a kiss on the cheek too. I ate another piece of chicken parmigiana and mommy kept watching.
"You feel okay with Munch giving you a kiss?"
"Yeah because he's not mean. He's really nice, all of your friends are nice!"
"Good. That's good. What do you say we start getting ready to leave?"
"Sure! Then we can get ice cream and you can tell me that story about Olivia and Elliot!"
"Which one?"
"The one about the cookies that you never finished."
"Because you fell asleep. Finish up Daniella."
"Aw, Mommy!" It's a bit weird when she calls me by my middle name. We both laughed and I gave her a hug.
"Thank you."
"For what?"
"For being my Mommy."