*Ava's POV*
Over my whole lifetime of let down and loss of love, I've learnt something. Don't trust anybody, not even yourself.
In fact, to trust yourself is probably the worst thing to do. You rust yourself not to fall in love with a certain type of person but you betray yourself and do it anyway.
I've been waiting two weeks, two whole weeks for Connor. Our phone calls stopped, he texts me. I trusted him, he promised he'd come home, but instead I get my head filled with rumours of his 'new girl'
He told me he'd come home, he said he would. Yet here I am, alone still.
I had my first scan yesterday; I didn't tell anybody but myself.
My baby's beautiful, although I can't see its face or anything, its body is the only thing that shapes it. In my eyes, it's beautiful already.
The scan I hold in my hands hasn't left my sight, it's the only thing to keep me sane. I swear if I wasn't pregnant then I'd be in a mental ward.
I haven't spoken to my dad in a while, maybe he'd want to know he was going to be a granddad?
I scrolled through my contacts and found his name, pressing call and placing the phone to my ear.
My gaze was on the scan, he finally picked up.
"Ava?" he sounded surprised
"Hi dad" It was nice talking to him, considering he's been out of my life for what seems like ten years, he's still there, deep down my father is there.
"Sweet cheeks, what's up?"
Sweet cheeks, he called me this all my life. It came about when I used to eat sweets all the time and my face would end up covered in sweets too. Since then it stuck.
"I have some news" I tried to sound happy, for him.
"Really?"
"I'm pregnant dad" I held my breath, waiting for his reaction.
"I'm going to be a grandad? Really?"
"You are" the smile crept onto my face
"I love you Ava, congratulations, will you call me more, maybe come round some time? Let me see you more" he sounded hopeful
"I'd love too"
"Great, well sweet cheeks I've got to run, got work but I'll speak to you soon, right?"
"You will, bye dad"
"Bye kido"
Our conversation ended, I felt alone again.
Before I could process what I was doing I'd pressed call on Connor's name.
"Hey babe" he picked up, he actually picked up.
"Connor, we need to talk" my voice cracked a bit and I felt the lump in my throat.
"Yeah sure, hold on, let me go somewhere private"
"Okay" my voice was quite.
"So, what's up?"
"I'm just going to say it, we knew it was going to happen and you can't lie and say you didn't see it coming but seriously, I was even fooled. We can't work like this, I thought I could cope without you here but I can't. Our phone calls stopped and I only received very few texts, do you know how this makes me feel? I'm worthless to you Connor, I'm nothing but a nagging girl stuck in englnd whilst you've got other girls there, I don't blame you if you hooked up with someone else because I would have if I was you. God Connor, I can't do this" I tried to say more but the tears blocked my voice.
"Ava, I'm at the airport, I'm coming home to you"
"I need help Connor" it felt good to admit it, but I do.
"No you don't, you just need me"
"Come home, please hurry. I'm scared of myself"
"Baby, hang in there, I'll be home very soon. Please don't do anything stupid, I'll hurry, god I'm sorry Ava"
The urge to do something was too big, I couldn't hold out for long.
"Hurry Connor" I begged, I really needed him and fast.
The line went dead, I threw my phone across the room, it hit the wall and smashed.
I cried out, hoping maybe somebody would hear and help me.
I don't want to relapse but I can feel it. I need to go back, I need the help again.
I shouldn't be a mother, I'm not able to be on my own for three months without fucking up.
The cupboard got closer and closer and I felt my body grab the handles and fling the doors open, taking out a blade, I stared at it.
It's funny how so much pain can be cleared by this tiny object. I feel hopeless without speaking to someone, nobody even cares.
I mean fuck it, if I am really nothing then nobody will stop me from taking this blade and cutting.
So I took it, pressed it against my skin and breathed slowly in.
Connor burst through the door, his eyes lit up with panic when he saw what I was doing, I didn't know what do, I didn't know what to say. I saw the fear in his eyes, I honestly felt the pain slip away. How could be so selfish, this boy loves me.
"Ava" he wrapped his arms around me and I pressed my neck into his neck and cried.
"Thank you, thank you for stopping me" I cried harder
He pulled away and grabbed my wrist, he inspected it.
"You didn't do anything?" he asked
"You stopped me"
"I love you so fucking much Ava, you're perfect. Please don't ever do this" he began to cry, I forced my arms around him and pulled him closer. We both cried into each other, I missed him. I missed him a lot.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Poor Ava!
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Brave| Connor Ball
Fanfiction"I know you're lonely. I think you need someone to want you, well I do want you. So be brave, and want me back" Every day seems the same to me. I sit around and think about how alone I feel, then I wind up rather enjoying loneliness because it's the...
