Lesbian Dancing After The Show: An Improviser's Non Improvised Life

Wandering Minstrel Eyes Part I: Marty & The Second City Auditions

Hans and I were doing Fooglewoogle, running a comic book store, and eventually decided to open our own comic book store on Lincoln Avenue called Hep Cat Comics; and we were having a fabulous 80's time. In between all of this I was still doing theatre all over Chicago.

Hans decided to try his luck and take classes at The Second City. He ended up in a level five class that ended up being one of the longest running level five shows at The Second City ETC.

Martin DeMaat was Hans' level five teacher. After classes and shows his class would head over to the Ale House across from Second City. It was a wild place to drink. Lots of Chicago actors and improvisers hung there drinking, playing chess and the pinball machine in the back. The bar area was adorned with headshots. The mural on the wall contained decades of artists and patrons.

I was the girlfriend. I was Hans' ride home.

I would come to pick Hans up from his class and we would do what every improviser in Chicago did as almost a hobby: Drink.

I was having beers with him and his classmates doing their new bit: ...and then his hair came off in me hands! Just think "The Aristocrats" except with it always ending: And then his hair came off in me hands!

Martin would always come up to the table and talk to us. He was so fond of Hans and me. We would talk about everything. Marty was a great improvisational teacher. He wasn't, though, the best in figuring out that Hans was not gay. That worked out well for both of them as Hans did not know that Martin WAS gay.

Once (after him taking the car and me settling in for a nice evening in), Hans came home from class really late. It was roughly around three or so in the morning. He crawled into bed. I figured he was just out drinking with his class and closed the bar down.

He climbed into bed with his underwear still on. His underwear was soaking wet and smelled of bleach. Why he never took them off before he climbed into bed is still a mystery.

Me: Holy hell Hans, you are dripping wet!

Him: Yeah.

Me: Where the hell have you been?!?

Him: (embarrassed) I went out with Marty and some of his friends.

Me: Really?

Him: Yeah. (Embarrassed) I ended up at Hubbard Street Hot Tubs.

Me: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Him: No.

Me: (Screaming Laughing) Did you know that Martin was GAY?

Him: No, but I do now. He didn't know I was straight, so we had a good laugh about that.

Me: HA! (Pauses) Wait a minute. You went hot tubbing and LEFT YOUR UNDERWEAR ON?

Him: Yeah...

Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAaaaaa Oh this is hilarious! I need to give a good talking to Marty! He should have FORCED you to take your damn drawers off!

The next week I came to pick Hans up from class and we went to have drinks as usual. Marty saw me walk in, and in a big flourish pretended like I was coming after him for trying to take my man. I put up fake fists in Marcus of Queensbury rules and shouted: I challenge you to Fist a Cuffs kind sir!

Marty: I honestly thought he was gay.

Me: Nope. As straight as you can get.