You're Still Standing

Even If

Jean P.O.V

I was at the diner, getting ready for closing time. My arms stinging each time I moved them. I heard the door to the office open, "Jean..." I looked up and smiled a little at Mikasa, "Yes Mika?" She smiled the tiniest bit, "Eren said you can go now. Levi and I will clean up here." I nodded and went to go clock out, but I forgot my backpack. Only one thought on my mind, "You don't deserve to be alive." I was walking out onto the street and sighed. I went walking down an alley way, pulling out a joint and lighter, taking a puff of weed. Calm was all I felt after I finished it. I walked around for a bit, feeling a buzz, and slightly dazed.

I made it to the hotel room, and tears started to stream down my face. Silent sobs coming from my shaking figure. I went to the bathroom and grabbed my razor blade, beginning to slice up my arms, going deeper each cut. A burning sensation in my arms, I enjoyed it. Blood poured from each cut, making my arm covered in red, dropping onto the tiled floor. Old cuts being opened with new ones, the pain starting to go away. Everything started going black, I collapsed to the floor.

I heard the front door open, I heard Eren's voice calling out to me. "Jean? You left your bag at the diner!" He came to the bathroom, "Jean... I'm coming in." I heard a loud gasp, "LEVI! CALL 9-1-1!" Eren ran up to me, I smiled at him softly. "Why?" I shook my head and let out a soft breath. Everything faded to black.

T o T

I woke up to a constant beeping noise, I felt tubes around my face. An IV in my hand, I realized was at a hospital. I sighed and teared up, a doctor came in. "Good afternoon Mr.Kirschtein. I'm your doctor, Hange Zoe. You were brought in 2 days ago, when you tried to commit suicide." I sniffled, letting out a shaky breath, "W-why am I s-st-still ali-i-ve?" Tears building up in my eyes, small sobs escaping my lips. Hange came over and pulled me into a hug, I flinched away from her. She had a sad look in her eyes. "You are alive because there is something that God entended you to do before you died." I scoffed, "I stopped believing in God years ago." Hange smiled sadly at me, "Why is that?" I looked her in her four eyes, "I always prayed to him for everything to get better. Nothing happened, everything got worse. After most of my life was wasted praying to him, I stopped believing." I looked away, tears building up again. I hastily wiped at my eyes and cleared my throat. "When can I leave here?" She looked at her clipboard, "In a weeks time. You are being put on suicide watch. Given your history, you are a danger to yourself and others." I sighed, "I kind of expected that." She looked at me with a sad/sorry look on her face. "I have to go check on other patients. But someone does come and visit patients here. His name is Marco Bodt. He is really sweet, and I think you'll like his company. Bye Jean." She walked away.

I sat there for a bit, until a knock on the door. "Come in." Eren, Mikasa, and Levi walked in. They had slightly worried looks on their faces. Eren and Levi's expressions surprised me. "Hey guys." I said softly. I looked down at my hands, they were shaking. "Jean..." I looked up to see Eren with tears welling up in his eyes. "Why? Why'd you do it?" I was at a loss for words. To see Eren crying over me really shocked me. We weren't "friends", but you could call us acquainted. "I don't belong on this earth Eren. I've done no good to anyone I've met. I'm a failure who's a waste of oxygen." I felt my eyes burn, "I shouldn't have been born. I just fuck up everything. I can't do anything right, and I just want to die. Why did couldn't you just let me die!" Sobs racking my body, I clutched at my bandaged arms. "I'm going to hug you Jean." I felt arms wrap around me, that made me cry harder. "You deserve to live Jean." My sobs became louder. "I-I don-don't want t-t-to be al-al-i-ive." He hugged me tighter and kept on saying how I deserve to be alive.

I guess after so much crying, I was exhausted. The trio left after awhile. And I was falling asleep.

UuU

I awoke to the sound of knocking. A tall boy with dark brown hair came in with a warm smile. His freckles cheeks tainted pink, his chocolate brown eyes shone with happiness and hope. "Hi! Are you Jean Kirschtein?" I gave him a once over and smirked.

Marco P.O.V

As I entered the room, I saw a boy with bandages wrapped around his arms. My heart pinged with sadness. I got a look at his face, he was asleep. He had strawberry blonde hair, the hair underneath was cut shorter and was a light brown. His hair styled up? I don't know how to describe it. He slowly opened his eyes at me and his eyes captivated me. A Taupey Gold colour. "Are you Jean Kirschtein?" He looked me up and down and smirked, my cheeks flushing pink. "Yes I am. Who are you?" I smiled at him, "Marco Bodt. I visit everyone here and keep them company." He nodded and had a thoughtful look on his face. "Cool. Let's skip the pleasantries, why would you want to keep me company?" I gave him a confused look and tilted my head to the side. "What do you mean?" He laughed, "Why would you waste your time with someone like me?" He had an amused look on his face, "I'm a nobody who shouldn't be alive. You shouldn't spend time with me. You should just waltz out and go back to tutoring someone." I scoffed, "You should be alive. And it's my choice to keep you company. I don't tutor people either, I get tutored." Jean laughed more, "Whatever." I sat down on the chair by his bed, "I'm just going to put this out there, You are really attractive Jean. You have beautiful eyes." As soon as I said that I clamped my mouth shut and hid my face in my hands, "Why did I say that out loud?" Jean chuckled, "There is nothing beautiful about me." I looked up at him, "Yes there is. What's beautiful about you is that You're Still Standing."