You're Still Standing

Get Knocked Down

Jean P.O.V

It's been about a week and I was let out. It was nice being out of the hospital. Armin and I were let out at the same time. Marco and I hung out every day and I liked him. I was laying down in my bed at the hotel and was needing a fix. I got up and went to the bathroom. I lifted the lid of the toilet tank and got the ziplock bag full of various drugs.

I took out a small baggie of coke. I pulled out my wallet and took out a card, making small lines. I grinned as I started to snort up the lines.

Euphoria and Empowerment hit me like a ton of bricks. I walked back into my room and felt like I can run a mile. "Ahh, I haven't done that in so long. God I missed this." I sat down and felt my leg muscles twitch. I was so energized, it was like I had multiple shots of expresso, except, I just snorted a couple lines of coke.

I wanted to go out and get a pizza, but I didn't know where to get one so I decided to call Marco. He's smart, and he likes pizza, so we'll get some pizza. I pulled out my phone and dialled his number. *ring* Come on *ring* I can feel my toes surge with energy *ring* I want pizza, let's go. "Hello?" I sigh with relief, but notice that he sounds tired. "Hey Marco! It's Jean, did I wake you up? If I did I'm really sorry." He chuckled, "What? No no it's ok. It's like 2 am, what are you still doing awake?" I chuckled, "I Uh just, I just couldn't sleep. I was wondering if you wanted to get some Pizza or McDonalds. I'm kinda hungry and was looking for a midnight snack. But I don't have any food left at the hotel and I dunno." Marco laughed, "Let's get some McDs. I am craving a McFlurry." I laughed as well. "Alright. See you soon." I hung up and started to get ready.

I picked up Marco at his house and smiled at him, my cheeks a light dusting of pink. He smiled back at me, looking me in the eyes, "Hey Jean, why are your pupils so dilated?" I furrowed my brows, "What do you mean?" He leaned in a little closer, studying my face, "Your nose looks irritated, your pupils are dilated, and you seem very energized." He got a sad look on his face, he leaned back, "Jean... are you high right now?" I shook my head, "I had a coffee, and kept on blowing my nose earlier. And plus my pupils dilate at night." Marco shook his head, "You despise coffee, and when we had a sleep over at the hospital, your pupils weren't dilated. I should know, I couldn't stop looking in those enchanting eyes of yours." I paled, rendered speechless. "I-I. Uh, y-y-yes. Yes I am. I-I can't believe I did it again. I promised myself." I gripped my hair tightly in my fists.

I screamed out and Marco pulled me into a hug, I flinched but pulled him closer. "I-I was clean for 5 months and 3 days. I was clean!" I cried into his chest. Marco rubbed my back, I whimpered when he reached the small of my back. Before I left New York, I fell down a flight of stairs and it was awful. It is funny now, but it still hurts. "What happened to your back?" I scrunched my eyes tighter, "I fell down a flight of stairs trying to get away from the cops before I left New York. It was hurt pretty badly. I am just dealing with the aftermath." Marco nodded, "I understand. You don't have to be afraid Jean. I won't hurt you. I'll be there for you." I let out a small sob, and pulled away. "Marco, these past few weeks have been the best in my life. You have given me happiness. And I am forever grateful." He smiled at me, his eyes shining, tears brimming. I watched his movements, he leaned in closer, as did I. His eyes locked on mine, my breath caught in my throat, his chocolate brown eyes shining with hope and a slight bit of fear. This boy, you could read him like a book, but me, I'm like a locked diary.

I leaned in more, his hot breath felt on my lips, he closed the gap. The kiss felt right, it felt like it was supposed to happen. I felt pure happiness, something I've never felt in my life. But I couldn't do this to Marco, I couldn't drag him down with me. I was going in a downward spiral, I didn't want him to suffer as well. So I did what I thought was right, I pulled away. Fear written all over my face, tears brimming my eyes again. "M-marco, I-i-i can-can't do th-this. I c-can't d-d-do this t-to yo-you." I wiped my eyes and started to shake, "W-we can't d-do thi-this Mar-marco." Marco shook his head, "What do you mean Jean? What can't you do?" He was obviously the calmer of the two of us. "I-i can't bring y-y-you dow-down with m-me." He sighed, pulling me into his arms, I wanted to pull away, but he held onto me tightly. "Jean, listen to me. You won't bring me down, you won't hurt me." I shook my head, my breath really uneven. He ran a hand through my hair, knowing full well that it calms me down. "Jean Kirschtein, you would never bring me down. You will get through this, we will get through this together." I looked up at him, his eyes full of hope. "I promise that I will be by your side." I let out a small chuckle, "I-it sounds like w-w-we are saying vo-vows, confe-confessing ou-our undying l-lo-love for ea-eachother." Marco laughed, "It does, doesn't it?" I nodded, a small grin on my face. "Maybe some day" Marco said under his breath. "I just need you to breathe for me, take deep breaths Jean. I'm here for you." I nodded. We crawled in the back seat of my rental car, I was laying on top of him. He continued to run a hand through my hair, his other hand resting between my shoulder blades. I cuddled into him, not wanting to let go of him. If there was a God out there, I want to thank him for putting this magnificent boy in my life. It's safe to say that ever since I met this boy, I've fallen for him. He's the one that is saving me, the one who I should live for.