Short Stories

qqqaqua qwqqEmpty

Beaten.

Tossed around.

Turned upside down.

Why does no one see?

Why can't they see?

They don't understand what goes through my mind, the urge to just break what's before me.

The untouchable but most scarring thing.

Break that and before you know it, no one knows you. You're done. You're lost.

You won't be looked at, you'll be frowned upon.

So, why is it that I don't even need to try and that's what I'll get?

Why is it that they seem to see through me when they don't know me at all?

They want to know but they don't care.

They pretend they care and then wound you with their words like it's your fault, like you're the cause, like you are a mistake.

They never see.

They never will.

It's hard to do what everyone else can. It's hard to be me.

Why am I different? Why can't I be the same? Why?

But then... I don't want to be the same as them. To be changed into someone else. To do things I'd never thought I'd do before.

I didn't want to leave... but I left.

I want to go back... but I can't

Now I fear they will hate me for what I've become.

They became my family in such a short amount of time. Time is a breeze, a moment lost before you know it.

Such little time with moments never enough to fulfil in a period so short and limited, yet so boundless.

Nothing to stop it from passing by. Nothing to stop, press pause and dwell in a moment. Nothing to stop and bring back what's forever lost and gone.

To turn back time is to dream again and again, reality being an illusion as dreams become an embrace, only to transform into a nightmare I can't erase.

I wish I could tell them. But they wouldn't understand.

I don't need to tell her; she can see.

She knows me more than I know myself. Why can't I see that I'm hurting her?

I hurt everyone but never see the true impact. I am hurt and forget that I did the same.

I forget that I was the cause.

Knowing that they will be there and yet I hesitate.

Why do I hesitate?

Because they said no. They said they wouldn't be there anymore. That I am on my own.

I am forever alone, emptied by the deception of what I labelled the last resort. There's only so many people you can depend on until they say no, until they refuse to look at you, until they fear to see what you've become.

To be engulfed into another realm, a realm no longer home but one I have to accept for the time being... that time soon becoming one I look forward to, one I fail to see the impact of... what it is doing to me; destroying me. I am no longer human. I am a ghost of my past, hidden behind walls so easy to tumble down and fall onto the next person that wants to break me like the ones before. Walls that I build brick by brick, pretending to hide, pretending to be the same as if that will protect me from her disappointment.

I want to tell you the truth don't you see?

But I need you by my side... by me.

I want to you to help me.

But that would mean tearing you apart again.

I want to crash and fall apart once more before you.

But that would mean risking the trust you once had in me.

A trust I know you're having second doubts on.

I know you know, and I know you're waiting for me but I am afraid to show you what has become of me because I am the same. I am. I truly am. But you don't see me that way anymore. You don't understand me anymore. And I will not be able to bear the broken smile on your face when you try and hold me back, when you try to be there for me, when you try to make me understand and I don't listen.

Why don't I listen to the right people?

The people that help me; the people I refuse.

The people that say they help me; the people I turn to.

The wrong always seems so right until you look at yourself in the mirror and question your position in the world.

Did I do the right thing? Or did I run away from what was right and tumble into the wrong?

A mirage that seems so luring, so inviting and I being so naive can't help but walk right through it, to meet the end becoming an empty space.

Emptied by dreams.

Emptied by illusions.

Emptied because I no longer have you.

I am stuck and buried in a position I no longer recognise because I chose to jump eyes closed into a pit, black with mistakes I can't undo, mistakes that will forever slither through my mind and haunt me every second of the day.

Mistakes that I will soon forget but sins that will always resurface in any given moment because I have no choice but to accept my wrongdoings, repenting in order to make them right. But I will never be able to make them right. I am in pieces. Each piece holding such a small part of who I was, parts that are buried beneath the fears that clouded my sight that day and blinded me to who I once was... changing me into what I've now forever become.