August 15th, 12:50 p.m.
"Just admit it! You want to leave. I've seen all the signs! I'm not fuckin' daft Seán!" You say, tossing your hands down in frustration. In the heat of the moment, his real name falls out, expressing just how serious you're being. Thats the only time you ever use it.
"Oh for fuck's sake!" He groans, spinning back to face you from leaning against a chair, gripping the back of it untill his knuckles paled.
"Cant you just drop it? Why were you looking through that shit anyway?" He asks, frustration bubbling in his voice.
"It was the top fucking search! How am I not supposed to see it? Clearly I need to go through this shit!" You say, jutting your chin at the computer.
He rakes both of his hands through his hair, more anger brewing in him as his eyes meet yours.
"You can't trust fucking anything. No matter what I say you'll come to some wild conclusion that I'm trying to leave. Or that I'm cheating. Why the fuck do I bother trying to get it through your thick skull that I'm not going anywhere!?" He asks, widening his stance to condescendingly meet your eye level, clasping his hands together. Your cheeks heat in anger.
"Because I see it! Everywhere I look I see your clothes missing, or your things slowly disappear from around the house, or that we suddenly have a subscription to Travler's Digest! Like you're slowly packing up and just waiting for the perfect day to just walk away. And how am I supposed to know if you're not cheating? Itd be easy for you! You know exactly when I leave for my runs and get home! You could easily sneak them in and out"
"For the thousandth fuckin' time, I'm not going anywhere! God forbid you take my word for anything!" He shouts, tossing an angry guesture at you.
"How am I supposed to take your word for anything when you give me a million reasons not to trust you! Just like when I found texts from 'Rosaleen'!" You jab. Jack takes a angry breath.
"I've explained a hundred times that Roz is just a friend from home-" he says, seeming to try to gain his composure before you cut him off.
"Roz!? The two of you have nicknames now? How fucking rich!" You say, tossing your hands up. Jack squares his shoulders.
"The more you accuse me of this shit, the more I'm starting to consider just going home! Its hard to want to stay when you dont trust me for shite! Its clear I'm not trusted here, and you try to shove me out at every given opprotunity, so why the hell not?" He practically spits, tossing his arms up in a wide shrug.
You swallow, fury building in your stomach. Another fight that started because you just so happened to stumble across evidence that points to him leaving or being unfaithful. This time, it was the 'apartments for rent in LA' search in google that set you off. Its as if he's too cowardly to just tell you he's leaving. You find it unfair that he seemed to want to leave you all by yourself without any forewarning. After all you have been through, he wants to leave, and or entertain other girls. Then fine.
"Finally you admit that you've thought of it! Then just go! Stop being a coward and just go! Dont let me hold you back anymore! Dont come crawling back when you change your mind!" You say, throwing an arm at the door as you shout.
Jack opens his mouth, wanting to shout back a rebuttle, but he quickly snaps it shut. He chuckles darkly to himself, shaking his head.
"Consider me gone." He growls, walking away from you with finallity toward your room. You open your mouth to stop him, initially regretting your words, but you snap your's shut as well. He clearly wants to go. You're just providing him a chance now. At least maybe now he'll be happy with whoever the hell hes got on the sidelines. Now the two of you will stop snapping at one another over stupid shit like this. There will be no two of you. You cross your arms over your chest coldly. Its what he wants, you remind yourself.
A moment or two later, he emerges from the room with a dusty suitcase, packed to the brim. He stalks past you, not giving you a second glance as he makes his way to the door, slamming it behind him. It seems as if the whole apartment shakes with the outburst, including you. You stand in the middle of your apartment, arms crossed over your chest, frozen in place by the thousands of emotions that only now catch up with the previous events.
You sink to the floor slowly, replaying everything that had just happened, shock slowly fading away to sadness. Your vision blurs with tears as they begin to stream from your face. How could you tell him to leave? You dont want him anywhere but here... Why would he listen? Why would he just leave you here?
Sobs escape you suddenly, shaking your body to the core as everything suddenly collapses from under you. He's your light source. He's your shimmer of sunlight on a cloudy day. He's your dandelion in a barren feild. You're his "Cookie". His sarcasm machine. You're his... How can he just leave that all behind? Why would he want to?
You gather youslf slowly, dragging yourself to the empty bedroom, sliding into the covers by yourself for the first time in months. Last time you slept alone, it was because Jack had gone to Brighton to record some charity thing with Felix, Marzia, Mark, Ethan, and Tyler. Apparently it was like Cringemas 2, only after christmas.
You hated that week. Or was it two? You hardly remember now, seeing that during said time you barely got any sleep whatsoever. It became so hard to rest without him, that you took to sleeping with his clothes on a pillow. The day he got home, you leapt into his arms and stayed there as he drug you into the room and crawled into bed with you wrapped around him. He seemed not to mind, in fact, he seemed touched by the warm welcome.
You clasp onto his pillow, dragging it from his spot on the bed to your chest. Tears fog your eyes as you begin to silently beg for him to just come home. You find yourself even praying for him to slink in next to you in the night, despite not really having much of a religious standpoint. Every so often, youd lie real quiet, hoping to hear any sign of him returning so that you can apologise and make everything better, but nothing comes...
A few times in the night you find yourself heartbroken as you reach across the barren mattress for him, only to be rewarded with emptiness beside you. You draw your hand back to your chest, tears overwhelming you each time.
YOU ARE READING
Crashing. (A JSE×reader fanfic)
Fanfiction(This is part two to "A Leap Of Faith.") It seems that you and Jack have hit a rough patch. What with all the arguing and spitting venom at one another, it seems as if things will never be as they were. Will you and Jack mend everything, leading to...
