Crashing. (A JSE×reader fanfic)

Going 'Home'

August 17th, 2:43 p.m.

Can I really do this?

The words have been haunting Jack since he bought the tickets at the library this morning. He couldnt bear to go home to his computer, even knowing that (Y/N) had most likely spent most of, of not all of, the night at Mark's.

He rubs his tired eyes, having once again lost hours of sleep in the shitty hotel he rented for the night until his schedualed flight.

He draws his hands away from his face, looking around the bustling airport. A bunch of moving bodies with destinations and plans. And there he is, a destination with no plan whatsoever.

Home seems like the best place to go, seeing as he has no family around to crash with, and all of his friends are also friends with Her. He cant stay over at Mark's, after all she goes to visit him nearly ever day. The hotels in LA are expensive or shitty. And Bell and her family, while being very friendly and nice, would most likely have (Y/N) stop by quite often as well. And Jack is sure she wouldnt appreciate seeing him.

It seems he's left rather optionless in the end. It wont be so bad will it? After all, going home, seeing old friends, maybe try to visit the family. After all its been nearly five years since he'd seen them in person.

Oddly enough, even though he misses his family and friends, he misses her more... He misses her smile, her sarcasm, her cheery bushy tailed attitude. God its really been so long since he's seen her that way though.

He thinks back to the last time he caught her in her true element, and feels his heart sink in nostalgia. She was playing overwatch and some punk kid was giving her shit for being a girl. She snapped back her comebacks and sarcasm lightening fast. They were hilarious, Jack's sides hurt hearing how she tore this kid's ego away from him. When the round had ended and she sat on top of the leaderboard, she giggled in such an adorable way. Jack could only stare at her in that moment, appreciating the beauty only she held.

God that was months ago now? Have they really distanced themselves from one another that much for that long? His heart sank lower in his chest, falling instead into his shoes. They drove themselves away from eachother, and now this is where things have lead him to.

He scans the rows of chairs, looking for nothing in particular, other than any form of reality check. Could this all be happening? He cant believe things have ended up here. He never thought, in a million years, that he'd someday leave her like she's accused him of trying to do a thousand times.

Could she have just told him to leave in the heat of the moment? Did she really want him home? He closes his eyes a moment, allowing the memories of that night to play over in his head once again, forcing himself to swallow back the regrets and frustration that came with them.

'Then just go! Stop being a coward and just go! Dont let me hold you back anymore!' He winces as he hears her voice so clearly. It sounds like shes right there next to him... Right here next to him? He reaches a hand out beside his thigh, searching blindly for her thigh or knee, but graps onto nothing but thin air.

Perhaps he should go back. Maybe all of this was a terrible mistake. He can fix it, he just needs to apologise for blowing up at her. He just needs-

'Dont come crawling back when you change your mind!' Her voice stabbed deeply into his chest as he heard her words echo in his skull. He draws his shakey hand away and buries it deep into his pocket.

She doesnt want him there. Shes made that much apparent. After all, if she really wanted him back she'd have called or texted or something right? His phone hasnt gone off once since before the fight. Not that he could find the fucker in his cluttered bag last night or this morning anyway. However, the thing is loud enough to make noise past the bag. If she'd have called or texted, hed have known.

He guesses that's enough of a sign that you dont miss him as much as he misses you right? Thats what he was looking for in the end. But it hurts. God it hurts him to know that you arent feeling the same pain he is. After all the adventures and trials the two of you have endured, you dont care.

He also admits that its not entirely fair to base his whole thought process on the lack of contact... Because of course he misses her, but he hasnt reached out to her either. Mostly because he cant find his phone, nor is he sure that she even remotely wants to speak to him.

A fuzzy call for his flight interrupts his thoughts, and he takes a slow breath to gather himself. He stands from his seat, surveying the area unsurely.

Fuck all. He finds himself hesitating, just as he swore he wouldnt do when he first walked in. He grits his teeth at himself, rolling his tense shoulders, futily hoping to ease their ache.

He forces himself to break through his hesitstion to collect his one and only suitcase, turning toward the flight gate, surveying the area with finality.

She got her wish.

The thought burdens him as he takes the first step toward the gate. He'll be home soon, now, then things will get better.