Crashing. (A JSE×reader fanfic)

Day Drinking

  August 16th, 12:52 p.m.

Jack sits at a bar, waiting for his third drink order. Honestly he cant remember what he ordered. It could be a beer, it could be whiskey, it could be a mixed drink, honestly he doesnt care. As long as it gets him just drunk enough to stop thinking.

  He doesnt need to glance around to know that the place is practically deserted, aside from him and a few presumable barflies who most likely never leave. He understands why the place is a ghost town, its only about noon after all. Its far too early to be drinking for normal people.

  He fiddles with the nearly empty bowl of peanuts, thats more shell than anything at this point. He'd compulsively ate the whole bowl just to occupy his mind for a moment. But now that there are no more to tear apart and distract himself with, his mind floats back to her once again.

  How could she not trust him? Hes been faithful and there for her for 4 nearly 5 damn years. After all the times he's picked her up when she was down. After all the moments they shared, just enjoying one anothers company. After all the times they've helped one another along. They were always there for one another. How could it fall apart so quickly? How could she go from needing him just as badly as he need her, to wanting him to leave?

  He imagines the two of you like counter balancing figures that leaned on one another to keep themselves, and the other, upright. But now it seems as if a strong wind knocked them down and away from one another so that neither of them have eachother's support. And he hates it. He hates that anything tore you apart.

  He doesnt know exactly what it was that did so. It could be her lack of trust, it could be his temper, it could be her anxiety, it could be his lack of communication.

  A sigh escapes him as he thinks back to the argument once more for the millionth time. He started losing his cool with her about 3 or 4 months ago now. Even playful arguments would lead to real ones in time. He often found himself keeping his mouth shut around her to avoid making her angry. He knew it wasnt a solution, seeing as silence unsettles her. But he had no other real options. 

   He supposes that he could have explained the search, but instead he snapped at her. The only reason he searched for an apartment in the area is because he was looking for a new recording area. He felt awful for always taking up her recording station and making her feel obligated to leave when he recorded. He wanted a kind of office station so that he could seperate his work from his home. That way he could more fully relax when he was home with her.

  Admittedly, he should have brought the idea up to her before even searching it, but again, he was afraid to say anything to her recently. It seemed that arguing is all the two did anymore, and he wanted nothing more than to end the disagreements. He figured that keeping to himself would keep the two from having anything to fight about, but he was wrong.

  He drops his head to the bar, gripping the hair at the back of his head. It wouldnt have mattered if he'd tried explaining that to her though, would it? She'd only look at it as some kind of excuse to cover a lie. Explaining himself would have been a waste of time. Just like every time before that.

  Jack lifts his head, catching sight of his reflection in the mirror covered wall behind the counter. He grimaced at his reflection. His eyes were dark from lack of sleep, his hair was a fucking travesty, his clothes were wrinkled and disheveled, and he could smell the alcohol on his breath. Jesus, he looks a mess. 

  He tears his eyes away from his own, and watches as the man behind the counter slides him a beer. He catches it, downing most of it the moment it touches his lips.

"Hey, hey man, slow down will ya, it aint no race!" The man says, humor lining his voice, but it only earns him a glare from Jack. He wants to give the guy the finger, or better yet, tell him to eat a bag of dicks. But he resists the urge. Why take his anger out on some random stranger. It isnt worth it.

   He finishes the beer, slamming the empty bottle onto the counter angrily. He isnt sure what to be angry at. Himself for blowing up and walking away from his source of joy? Or her for telling him to go in the first place. God why cant she just believe him? Can he ever earn her trust? Can he fix anything between the two? Would there be anything left to fix?

  He turns his head to his phone laying face down on the bar. Maybe he can. Maybe he can make it all better if he just calls her to explain himself. Maybe she'd hear him out...? Would she...?

  He takes hold of it and lifts it to his face, but clicking the screen gets him no reponse. He clicks away at the home button, but it remains dark. Fucking dead. He huffs frustratedly. Of course its dead. It must be some kind of sign to not contact her. He grips the useless thing untill he heard a soft crack, before whipping it into a distant, poorly lit corner of the bar. He hears the impact better than he can see it, prouldy assuring himself that he thoroughly destroyed it.

"HEY! Calm the fuck down buddy, or I'll have you escorted out!" The man behind the counter shouts at Jack, pointing a finger to him sternly.

  Jack scoffs at the guy. He isnt afraid of being escorted out. He's done here anyway. He pushes himself away from the counter, shooting daggers at the guy behind the counter with his eyes as he makes his way to the door. He pauses a moment, his hand on the handle, before glancing at the dark corner where his phone is scattered in pieces. He scoffs again, this time to himself, leaving the phone in shambles in the corner as he walks out.