Crashing. (A JSE×reader fanfic)

All Fucked Up

August 15th 1:30 a.m.

   Jack slams the door behind him, pausing on the walkway to run a hand through his hair, gripping it frustratedly. Where the hell is he going to go? Wheres he gonna stay? What the hell is he going to do? He stoops over, doing his best to catch ahold of the fleeting jagged breaths that leave him.

  He never thought itd come down to this. He never thought its escalate this much. Yes they've fought before, but she cant really want him to leave can she? Would she accept him if he turned back and walked back in right now?

  Her words echo in his skull, causing him to grimace. She sounded pretty serious. He gathers himself slowly, feeling a bit like a zombie as he walks over to the car, climbing into the back of it, tossing his suitcase in the front seat. He figures itd be best to stay here for the night, seeing as most of the hotels arent in walking distance.

  He sprawls out on his back looking up to the roof of the car, his chest feeling heavy with a storm cloud of bullshit. Why does she insist on accusing him of things like this? Why does she always spark a fight over the most nonsensical things? Cant she ever just believe him when he tells her he loves her and would never betray or leave her?

  This time it was over a google search, last time it was because she swore she heard a female voice in the house before she walked in, which Jack proved was the TV and nothing more, but she still acted angry and suspicious for the rest of the day.

   The time before that, she was convinced that he was, for some reason, emailing some fan that lived close by. She couldnt even present him with any evidence that she gathered because she had none! And Jack knew it because he didnt want anyone but her. Upon trying to tell her this, she tried to state that he could and would do better when she wasnt looking. It made his blood boil to be accused of betraying her. They argued over it for days before she finally dropped it.

  The time before that, she swore that she keeps noticing things disappear from the appartment. All of the things in question were often left at Mark's because the two of them had spent so much time there. She wouldnt hear it though, accusing him of sneaking things out of the apartment one box at a time.

  The time before that was his fault. He'd accused her of deleting an important file on his computer, and when she defended herself by saying she never touched his files, he snapped, calling her a liar because the file was gone and he cwrtainly hadnt deleted it. She snapped in return, saying that the only time she ever went into his things is when he'd asked her to make a thumbnail for him. When she got sick of being accused, she stormed out the window and sat on the roof for a few hours in the cold. Eventually his guilt got the best of him and he followed her up and apologised. It turned out that the file had been compressed and moved to a sperate area, not deleted at all. Jack felt extra guilty after finding it, and he could tell she was still a bit sore for being blamed.

  He closed his eyes, willing sleep to drag him away from today. He knew hed have to go back in eventually, but he couldnt face her again. He's so tired of bickering and arguing with her. He's so tired of seeing her upset with him. All he wants in this whole goddamn world is to make her happy... But it seems as though he cant anymore. No matter how hard he tries, she treats him like he cant be trusted. She doesnt trust anyone though. Not even Mark was trusted enough to break through her friendship barrier, which Jack tries to convince himself that he'd never tried.

  Its hard for him not to get jealous when they hug or when Mark touches her in general. So far he's never made a hig deal of it, but there have been times where hes wanted to.

  One time he and Mark were filming some dumb video about their difference in strength, and to prove that he was stronger, Mark lifted (Y/N) over his shoulder with one arm. She squealed, laughing and beating on his shoulder playfully as he held her there like a sack of potatoes. Jack could only grit his teeth and force a smile to avoid demanding that Mark place her down.

  He remembers once, while he still lived with Mark, (Y/N) swooped in through the window, clearly upset over something, tears staining her cheeks. Jack tried to rush over to comfort her but Mark made it there first, scooping her into his arms and pressing her where she belonged against him. Jack burried the anger and jealousy to find out what was wrong with her. It turned out that Paw had a heart attack in the shop, and she wasnt sure if he'd be ok. When Mark released her, she burried herself in Jack's chest for the rest of the day. Jack swore to her that the two of them would go visit Maw and Paw at the hospital in the morning. She only nodded sadly against him as she began to drift off on the couch.

  Jack knows its silly to be jealous over her and Mark's relationship. After all, not once has he ever heard Mark make one sexual comment to or about her. Nor has he heard Her make any such comments to or about him. But how can he not get greedy about her? He adores her. But it seems that she's done seeing the light in his eyes.

  He opens his eyes, catching a hint of the sun as it just barely begins to peek itself on the horizon. Jack sighs, sitting up with finality. He knew damn well he wouldnt be able to sleep. What with everything that had just happened, and being unable to feel her beside him, it was a lost cause. He opens the car door and makes his way back inside. He carefully steps inside, taking a brief and final look around. He supposes this is it.

  He reaches over to a pad of stickey notes sitting by the old, now disconected land line. He holds up the whole pad, holding a shakey pen up to it, but nothing he thinks makes it to the paper.

  What the hell could he say? Goodbye? He's always loved her? He's sorry it ended this way? He'll miss her desperately? What could possibly be said to make this as painless as possible?

  He thinks back to the anger in her voice as she told him to leave, and his jaw clenches involuntarily as he jots down the five words that make it to the paper. He peels off the note and slaps it onto the door harshly before opening it and stepping back outside, gathering his suitcase from the car, and walking down the sidewalk without a second glance.