The Cold Recesses of our Minds

4

Christmas Eve.

That was the first thing I thought of when I opened my eyes. I look over and see Liebgott snoring softly next to me. I crawl out from underneath the blanket. More snow falls softly. I sigh. The fog still hasn't lifted. I shake my head and take off my helmet. My feet and legs are cold. I climb out of my fox hole and walk around the camp. I see broken trees and holes where the worst happen. There is blood on some of the ground from fallen soldiers. I sling my gun up over my shoulder so it doesn't fall. I have to use the restroom but now's not the time. I see everyone huddled together. I sigh and see the air from my breath flow out of my mouth like smoke. I run my hand through my hair. It's so short and alien to me. I brush it over to the side and hold my helmet under my arm as I walk. The cold snow crunches under my boots. I navigate through other people's foxholes. The dead branches and needles of trees lay scattered about on the floor like a child's toys in his play room. I make my way to the center in camp. I'm safe here from German soldiers, but not from their guns and explosives. I wonder if I ever got caught what would they say? What would they do?

"Lieutenant Richardson," I hear an all too familiar voice.

"Yes Captain Winters," I turn around and see the man bundled up. His eyes and nose are red with cold. Hie helmet covers most of his head.

"You forgot something the other day," he holds out the patches and other various things for captain.

"Sir, I'd like to stay here," I look at his hand. It's shaking from cold. It looks almost frostbitten as if even being exposed to the cold makes it instantaneously frozen.

"You are, I arranged it with Colonel Sink, although he didn't understand what kind of man would want to stay here," a small smile is on his lips. I take the patches. I look at them in my hands. I'm not even a lieutenant anymore. Now I'm Captain New Boots.

"Thank you sir," I look up but Winters is already gone. I smile and look down as I clutch the patches closer to my chest. I walk again through the battle grounds to make my way to my foxhole. Something stops me. Maybe it's the wind but something sounds off.

"Hey Lieutenant," Malarkey climbs out of his hole and stands beside me. I hold out the patches in my hands as I continue to listen.

"Holy shit, you're a captain?!" Malarkey says loudly.

"Shh," I cover his mouth with my hand. His mouth opens and shuts again with my hand over it. I listen again. Now I hear silence. Maybe I'm going crazy.

"Alright sorry," I uncover his mouth.

That's when the first explosion hit the ground. I fall to the ground and scurry to Malarkey's foxhole. Malarkey follows close behind me as we fall into the hole. I feel my body shake and shiver from the cold....and the fear. I hear cries of men echo through the tall trees. I cover my ears as I feel tears fall from my face. More explosions tear through the air.

"Lieutenant Dike is under cover sir!" Malarkey yells to me. I look at him. He doesn't see my tears.

"Captain Winters and Nixon?" I yell as more skin tingling cracks bellow through the air. I watch as trees fall. I look over the edge searching for Liebgott and Lipton. I see only heads of people staring over the tops of their foxholes. My heart beats faster as I hear someone yelling in pain. I see a man dragging another man through the snow. I recognize the man standing up as Guarnere.

"Guarnere get down!" I yell. I hear a tad bit of my womanly voice come out. I almost stand up but Malarkey grabs me. I fall on my butt facing him.

"No, stay down," he holds onto my arm. I hear another explosion. I look over the edge.

Both men are now down. I see Buck Compton approach the two men. I stand up. The bombardment is over. I climb out of my hole and see more men doing the same. I stand in the white hell as I watch Doc Roe running through the wreckage for the men.

"What the hell are we even doing here?" I ask Malarkey who climbs slowly out.

"We're fighting a war," he says.

"Who are we fighting?" I ask. I can see him look at me strangely through the corner of my eye.

"The Germans,' he says almost as a question. I turn to him.

"We're fighting God." I turn away and walk to my foxhole. I see Liebgott standing outside of it.

"My god I thought you were dead," He smiles.

"Surprise," I throw up my hands. I keep my fist clutched so the patches don't fall out.

"What do got in your hand?" He asks. I throw him the patches. He catches them. I walk to the hold

"Holy fuck!" He looks at them and smiles. He tosses them back to me. I climb down in the hole.

"I know, and I get to stay," I smile as I sigh. I sit down. I lean my head back. " Maybe Winters is Santa Claus," I chuckle as I look at the patches.

"He cam by here looking for you a couple minutes ago," he looks down at me.

"Before or after the-" I wave my hand up at the broken trees above my head.

"After," he nods. I stand up just as Malarkey runs up to the hole edge. His gun nearly bounces off of his shoulder. I'm surprised he's running after what just happened. But I suppose the adrenaline is still there.

"Guarnere and Toye are out, and they aren't coming back," Malarkey says with a wild look in his eyes. I shake my head. Liebgott lets out a string of curses for the Germans, all in German.

"I've decided I'm not going to take prisoners when I storm the Germans fucking camp," I growl and climb out of my foxhole.

"I bet Winters would let you do it,' Liebgott whispers. I grimace as my skin touches the snow. Ice cold pains shoot through my hands. I stand up slowly.

"Can't they take a break it's Christmas?" Malarkey sighs. I shake my head.

"No gets a break, we're nearing the end,' I start to walk away again.

"The end of what?" Liebgott calls out after me. I turn around and walk backwards.

"The war!" I yell back. And for the first time I see true smiles spread over the men's faces. Other men standing near them smile as well.

I nod my head as I venture through the white maze. This may be near the end but.....that doesn't mean people won't die anymore.