Dear, Lovely

23: Behind The Act

| Zack|

“You have thirteen new voice messages. New message” The lady voice chirped from my phone, letting me know at least someone in this shitty world gave a damn about me.

I sighed quietly, lifting my eyes from the screen and placing them on the branches above me. The cool January winter breeze, moving the tiny leaves back and forth. There were barely any leaves left in the tree, almost as if someone yanked them all one by one; taking a little piece of the tree and making it vulnerable.

That’s sort of what I felt like at this very moment. As if I was a tree, left with no coverage, no dignity, because each and every one of my leaves were gone. It’s like over the years, life has ripped a piece of me, taking a part of my soul, my mind, and my thoughts.

My everything.

It was relaxing to sit out here by myself. There was no one to bother me, or tell me I was a worthless piece of crap. There was no one, and I liked that a lot. Sometimes my mom comes to check on me, and asks me if I want food or some other shit. As if her actions will make up for all the time she’s never given me.

But bottom line, sitting out here in the back yard, lying in a hammock all by myself feels amazing. I drift my eyes back to the phone which laid on my chest. My thumb tracing a few parts of the screen lightly, I was still debating rather to listen to the thirteen messages left in my phone for the past week.

It was most likely Stephanie, my girlfri- ex-girlfriend. I think she wants an explanation as to why I suddenly broke up with her out of the blue. I don’t think she’d understand If I explain every detail,every sacred detail.

I didn’t want to tell her things were going horrible at therapy, or that someone else’s lips besides hers have touched mine. God, what was I suppose to tell her!? ‘Oh hey, I was having a major panic attack, and my best friends lips just magically appeared on mine, how did that happen? I don’t know’ Honestly…I’m not sure how it all happened. It was a big blur to me, and I don’t remember half of the things we told each other but, why did my lips remember the taste of hers?

Why did they tingle at the thought of her name, just her name. It was unexpected, yet perfect.  I wanted to stop; I wanted to pull away from her grasp, because if I kissed back, I knew she’d infect me. She’d infect me with her poison, with the wonderful poison she has in her lips, her eyes, her smile, her everything.

That’s what I disliked about Arielle. She was so simple, so broken, so messed up in the head, yet she had this alluring side. Where everything she said, or did was poison, infecting your brain with her beauty. A beauty she didn’t know existed in her.

I haven’t talked to her since last week, and believe me I don’t want to talk to her right now either. I’m not mad at her, I’m not bothered by what happened. In fact deep in my inner core, that’s what I’ve longed for, her lips to collide with mine..

“You have thirteen new voice messages. New message” The lady voice chirped from my phone again and I shrugged my distracting thoughts away so I could listen to the messaged left by the unknown. “New message. Zack..I know I’m not suppouse to call you, but we need to talk..I’m worried about you..you know?” The familiar sweet voice filled my ears, and I couldn’t help but notice it had a bit of sadness mixed into it. Sadness was never a thing I thought she’d have, but I guess I was wrong. I sighed again, but this time it was quite loud. I knew it was Stephanie. Who else would it be?

“If you’d like to replay this message press one. If you’d like to save this message press two. If you’d like to delete this message press seve-” My thumb quickly pressed the number seven, then I continued to listen to the rest of the twelve messages left in my phone.