Dear, Lovely

24: I Cant Believe Its You

// Arielle //

"So, are you going to tell me how it went with puke face Luke? Or are you going to keep it to yourself forever?" Rosy questioned, half of her mouth filled with donut, strawberry jelly. I gulped the remaining bits of my donut and burst out in laughter; the nerves beginning to dwell in my stomach.

"Actually, I'd rather not tell you at all" I say, reaching towards the back of her small, new, cube car to get another pastry delight. I could hear chuckle as I stretched my arms towards the half empty Dunkin Donuts box.

"Why do you say that? Was it that bad?! What did he do?!" She questioned too rapidly for me to take it all at once. I plopped back down on the passenger seat, hoping I wouldn't have to tell her all the juicy details..or where they even juicy?

"Relax, he didn't do anything" I reassured her, but she gave me a glare and I bit my bottom chapped lip in response. Rosy has been a bit distant lately, and honestly it wasn't her fault. She's been busy with homework, school and Caleb. I totally get it, and I mean I'm not mad at her for being a bit separated from me. It's not like her presence would take every little screaming demon away from my head..

But at least she took me out today. Its Friday night and she agreed to take me to eat a few donuts before she dropped me off at the therapy session. It was nice of her really, I was originally going to walk all the was towards the clinic since Zack has been awfully quiet lately..

Ive texted a few times, even called, but I didn't get anything out of him..and I feel utterly awful for what I did..

"I swear if it's something bad I'm going to-"

"He kissed me" I blurted confidently, trying not to remember the soft, pink pair of lips that forcefully crashed into mine that night. I didn't want to remember the taste of a pure lie, I didn't want to possibly think he actually meant such a thing.

"He wh-what!?" She practically almost spit out her fizzy drink, and I winced at her sudden loud tone.

"Yeah, he just kissed me out of the blue! He was trying to find a way to apologize and he thought pressing his slimy lips to mine would do the trick" I huffed, the subject suddenly beginning to irritate under my skin. Now that I think of it, what I wish he would've done so long ago made my skin boil with anger..

"Are you serious?" She asked calmly, her dark, almost black eyes staring right into my very own soul. I sighed loudly then replied," Yes, I'm serious..he just kissed me, and that was my first kiss Rosy. I wish things would've been different between us at least..just so maybe..I could've.." I stopped the words from slipping out of my mouth, suddenly paying attention to the small little clock above the radio.

Would I have been happy if Luke actually liked me? Would I be happier if he was always there with me, making sure I didn't do anything reckless, or making sure he stopped the raging storm inside of my brain?

I'm not entirely sure anymore...

"Oh hell no! Wait till I see him, I'm going to kick his ass!" She growled and I rolled my eyes at her sudden temper. Oh believe me If I wanted to kick his ass I think I would've done it by now, but that's not who I am. I don't like to hurt others, even if they intend to hurt me.. That's ok, I forgive them. The only person I don't forgive is

Myself.

"As much as I want you to, don't even think about it. That will be pretty messy" I giggled trying to give the sudden subject a little humor. A small smile expanded on Rosy's red lips, her hands placed on the top of the steering wheel.

"Ha, yeah I guess your right" She whispered, watching her colorful keychain dangle on the ignition. My eyes darted back to the small clock above the radio, and I sighed quietly. It was about to be six thirty, and the session was only a few minutes away from starting. I buckled my seat belt again and grabbed my small bag from the carpet and placed it on my lap. My jeans ,suddenly sticking to familiar wounds on the surface of my skin.