Dear, Lovely

26: Everything

// Arielle //

 Sometimes I climb out of my frigid bed in the morning, and think to myself; am I going to make it?

Will I have the strength to possibly participate in life? Will I be able to ignore the raging thoughts in my head for another second? Maybe I could block out the pitiful parts in of life, and actually smile because I’m alive. Maybe I could ignore the bad thoughts, and talk to him again,and pretend that none of this happened, that his brother isn’t a part of my own little hell.

I told myself this morning I could.

I dragged myself out of my dark four walled room, and walked to the least place I wanted to be; school. I felt like going today, (which is a miracle) but not to go to class, just to sit in the back of the library, and pretend I was in study hall. I’ve gotten away with it for years, and surprisingly the creepy librarian lady likes me. She doesn’t like anyone so I’ve heard.

As I walk through the crowded hallways of Ravenswood high, I try my best to ignore the sharp pain in my shoulder, created by other people’s shoulders. The shoulder bumping didn’t annoy me anymore,it was sort of a sign that people find me useless, or even

Invisible.

 I hold my new book tightly against my covered chest, as I hear people chatter, and consult whose taking them to prom a week from tomorrow. Prom was the least of my worries right now.At this very moment I was trying to keep my eyes open. I didn’t even want to look in the mirror, because if I did I’d be disgusted from the lack of sleep in my eyes.

I’ve tried sleeping for these past few days, but I just couldn’t. My mind kept reminiscing back to the moment I laid my eyes on him, and I had no idea why. I can’t seem to get Eli out of my head, every time I close my eyes he’s there. His flawless, fresh face I managed to remember, flashing me a smile..

A smile of pure hope.

Part of me wants to find him right now in this huge campus, and be with him every moment I could. But the other wanted to run away, run from his family, run from the possible lie he could be hidi-

“Hey!” A squeaky, yet manly voice said behind me. I turned around to see who it was. It was fairly tall boy, with jet black hair. He had small eyes, which were a bit cute, and a slightly crooked jaw. He flashed me a sudden smile, as I gave the stranger a confused look.

“Hey you’re A.R, right?” He asked a bit too much excitement in his tone. My eyes widened at the mention my initials I always write after a journal entry.

“Excuse me?” I blurted out, his sudden excitement going down the drain. “I mean Arielle, Arielle Rodgers. Wow, he was right, your gorgeous” He blabbered and my cheeks redden at the ‘gorgeous’ part. “Um..I’m sorry I’m severely confused” I gulped, stepping to the side so people around us wouldn’t run us over.

“Oh right, sorry ha-ha. I’m Ray, Eli James” He grinned, extending a hand towards me. My heart suddenly froze at the name that left his lips. He’s Eli’s friend, so he must know about me..

He must know everything about me.

Everything.

I felt a sudden panic rise within and I began to walk away as quickly as I could. My body collided with others in a matter seconds. “Sorry”! I squeaked as someone practically cursed me out as they walked away. School wasn’t safe for me anymore. If I keep this up, I’ll run into everyone I’m trying to avoid.

Luke, Eli, Tyler and his gang of demons, they were all people I couldn’t afford to see right now. People I was afraid to look at, to speak to, to be in the same room.