Dear, Lovely

20: My Brother's Her Bully

\\ Arielle \\

My thoughts are like a tornado in my very own head.

And there killing me.

I can't stop thinking about how hopeless I really am, how pathetic I am for thinking that I actually would have a chance at life, at love..at everything else people were doing.

I can't stop thinking about how stupid I was.How stupid I was to like a damn jerk like Luke. He tried to make me forgive him with a kiss!? I didn't buy it. I could feel it in his lips, I could feel the poison that's been injected by the people he's been around with.

He changed.

I get it. I wasn't mad at that, I was mad at myself because I couldn't see it earlier. After he kissed me, I sorta slapped him and ran off. God the look on his face was priceless, and I sorta felt like a bitch but I knew he was lying.

I hope he wasn't looking for me after that, I mean..no he wouldn't..

If Luke would've liked me from the start, then he'd be here;right at this very moment. He'd be with me, lying on my cold wood floor, pushing my body to his, holding me tight and never letting me go.

He'd wipe the endless tears on my eyes, throw the bloody blade in my hand out the window, and tell me that I'm too good for this. Tell me I didn't have to do certain things to my skin because I felt alone.

Or worthless..

But he isnt here. He never liked me..

Im positive no one will.

A distant buzz snapped me out of trance. I looked the only light source in my room; my phone. I pushed my body up with the little strength that I had, and extended my arms towards the phone on my bed.

Of course it was him.

The only person who apparently liked to have a conversation with me..

I blinked away a few tears that stayed behind, and began to type words.

Time to tell countless little lies.

| Eli |

I typed slowly into my phone, hoping this time she would answer. I don't really blame her if she didn't; I mean she must think I'm annoying as hell. I sighed loudly, holding a piece of scrap paper Ray was doing the other night at Mc Donalds.

The whole paper was scribbled with A.R on it, along with countless other girl names that started with A. There was one particular name Ray was really certain about, but I didn't want to believe it..

He said he was so sure it was that girl that Zack mentioned that came to therapy with him. I denied it a thousand times at least. There's no way in hell she could be this close.

Arielle..no

It's too surreal.