Staring at the sun // 1D & 5SOS

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Calum’s P.O.V

I’m alone, but I actually don’t mind. Ever since I snapped at Ashton yesterday people has pretty much left me alone and it’s given me a chance to think. I don’t know how many times I’ve gone through everything that’s happened in my mind, and there’s still some things I don’t understand.

“Mind if I join you?” Louis doesn’t wait for an answer, he just sits down next to me on the beach and starts drawing in the sand with a seashell. “I’ve missed you back at camp, everyone else is all boring, well Harry obviously isn’t but I would just mess things up with him if I tried to say something and then he would forever think of me as a weirdo and I’d never get to kiss him.” I’m not really paying attention to what he’s saying but I’m not surprised to hear that he wants to kiss Harry. I mean we haven’t really talked about it but I’ve always assumed that he’s gay, I don’t know maybe it has something to do with the way he walks or something, but I’ve always known it, just like everyone knew Harry’s gay even before he told us. “Anyway, I don’t know if you noticed but Luke and Michael came back last night.” I did notice that, not when they came back but when I woke up this morning and Lily and Luke were sitting by the fire eating breakfast. “They’ll probably both come down with a cold or something, like it gets cold here at night and the only one wearing anything more than a T-shirt were Lily because she was wearing Michael’s hoodie again. And what if they do get ill? I mean it’s not like we have a lot of medicine or anything, we only have the first aid kit and we should try to keep everything there for as long as possible, like someone could get seriously hurt and then we’ll need everything we can get and they might die anyway and like what would we do if someone died here?”

“Louis.” I sigh and turn to look at him. “Now you’re just saying everything that comes to mind, what are you so nervous about?” It’s weird to think that I’ve only known Louis for like a week because it feels like it should have been longer. I’ve learnt that whenever he gets nervous he starts rambling, just like Luke does, and it just goes on and on until he’s talking about sand or pigeons or something like that.

“I don’t know.” He shrugs and goes back to drawing in the sand but I can tell he’s about to start talking again so I keep my mouth shut. “But you know like...like I don’t know let’s say you really like someone and you’ve only known them for a week or something but it feels like longer because you’ve been hanging out every day, all day, and you just really really want to kiss them or like...yeah what would you do?”  

“You’re asking me for dating advice? I’m nineteen Lou, I’ve never liked anyone like that since I was twelve and then I just kinda went for it. I mean she kicked me in the balls afterwards but I’d say it was worth it. Shouldn’t I be the one asking you for advice though? Aren’t you like… older than me?”

“Do you think he’ll kick me in the balls if I kiss him?” He asks, completely ignoring the rest of what I said. “I don’t, I mean he doesn’t seem like that kind of guy does he?”

“No I guess not.” I say before standing up. “I’ve gotta go, see you around.” I walk away before he gets a chance to answer and head back to camp. I didn’t mean to be rude to him or anything, but sometimes I just can’t stand being around people who talk about nothing all the time, and today is one of those days. There’s too much on my mind for that, too many things to worry about. I just walk around for a while, trying to find something interesting to do, but everyone seem to be away doing something. Eventually I do find someone though, Zayn is sitting on a log by the fire, lazily poking it with a stick. “Hi Zayn.” I sit down next to him and pick up my own stick to poke the fire with.

“Hey.” he mumbles. Lately he’s been talking a lot less and he seems distracted most of the time, like he’s thinking about something that’s bothering him.