Because I had you

Two

The door opened and Alyssa walked in with a tray of food and she put it down on the counter and handed me a water bottle. "Thanks," I took the water bottle from her and took a long sip from it as another tear fell down my cheek. "You're welcome," she slightly smiled and sat down on the other side of Aubrey.

"She's gone isn't she?" I grabbed Aubrey's hand again and Alyssa sighed as she told me to look at her. "She's not gone, Shawn. Just have hope okay?" I laughed shaking my head, "Have hope?" I scrunched my face together, "Hope? Hope isn't going to fucking bring her back. You and that doctor are fucking idiots." I stood from my chair. "Hope isn't going to bring her back. Fuck hope, I can't sit here 'hoping' she's going to come back Alyssa! Hope isn't going to bring my fucking wife back!" I yelled and threw my water bottle at the door falling on the ground and putting my head between my legs crying out loudly. She walked over to me, sitting on her knees putting her hand on my back, rubbing it slowly. "Shawn," I swatted her hand away lightly. "Don't. Just leave. I need a second, please." She sighed and walked out of the room. I stood up containing myself and sat down in the chair again, grabbing her hand and kissing it as more tears streamed down my face. Memories of Aubrey and I started to flood my mind.

~

"Does this look okay, Shawn?" I looked at her in her flowing red dress. My jaw dropped and my eyes widened. "Baby," I sighed. "You look so gorgeous," I looked her up and down, "DAMN!" I yelled out biting my fist. She started laughing, "Shawn, stop!" I engulfed her in a bear hug as I smashed our lips together, smiling into the kiss.

~

She handed me a plate of dinner as she sat down next to me tangling our legs together. I felt her eyes on me and I turned to her, smirking. "Yes?" I sipped my beer still looking at her. She sleepily smiled, "you're so handsome, I'm so lucky." I laughed, kissing her forehead. "You're so fucking gorgeous babygirl, I'm the one who's lucky." She smiled shaking her head as she put her head on my lap watching the tv. I looked down at her, smiling, beer in one hand and the other hand stroking her hair. Fuck, I'm so fucking in love.

~

"I love you," she said as I took another bite of food and instantly choked. She hit my back trying to help me. Once I was fine, she sat back down, looking at me with worried eyes. "You love me?" I looked at her. She nodded, tears in her eyes, "so much, Shawn." "I love you too, Aubs," I leaned over and kissed her roughly.

~

It was like a movie, the way we were under the covers, me tickling her as she laughed her beautiful angelic laugh, filling my ears with happiness. She rolled on top of me and connected our lips as she laughed into the kiss and I couldn't not laugh and I joined in.

~

Another tear fell down my cheek as I shook my head. The memories were taunting me. She is laying right there begging for help and I can't fucking do anything. "No!" I yelled standing up and kicking my chair. I'm completely broken now. Punching the chair and kicking it, wishing it was the idiot who crashed into her. The doctor ran in through the door. "Mr. Mendes," he put his hands out in surrender, "please calm down, follow me out of the room please." I told him I was sorry and wasn't going to do it again but he demanded me to leave the room until I was calmed down.

I walked out with the doctor and Alyssa was on the bench across the hallway. I sat down next to her, slouching in the bench. Alyssa stayed quiet. The doctor shut the door and walked down the hallway. "I'm sorry for freaking out on you like that," I said to Alyssa as I rested my head in my hand on my elbow on the bench's armrest. "It's okay, you're coming from a place of hurt, I completely understand. That's your wife but that's also my best friend, Shawn. I'm hurt too." I shook my head, "I know, I'm sorry," I rubbed my forehead. "It's okay," she said sending me a small smile as she looked back towards the room.

"I should've told her I loved her more." I blurted out and she looked at me. "What?" She asked. I started tearing up, eyes so sore, nose stuffed up, "I should've told her I loved her more." She started shaking her head. "Shawn, no! Aubrey knows you love her and she will always know much you love her. Don't ever think like that!" I shook my head, looking down the long hallway. "I miss her," my lip started quivering. "I know, Shawn, I know," she patted my arm.